Infertility hits TLC!

I am so happy to report that yet another reality show has decided to discuss the trials and tribulations of a couple trying to have a baby. The Little Couple follows the lives of newlyweds Bill Klein and Jennifer Arnold, who both have dwarfism. The series debuted on TLC in 2009. Jen is 3'2" and Bill is 4 feet tall. They are currently living in a rental home in Houston, Texas until construction of their new home is completed. Jen is a neonatologist who works at the Texas Children's Hospital, and Bill is a business owner.

They spent most of season two discuss how to start a family, adoption, surrogacy, or Jen carring the baby. It was determined after many tests that it was not in Jen's best interest to carry her child. After meeting with the Center for Surrogate Parenting, Inc.(CSP) in Encino, California, they decided to move forward with surrogacy. So far Bill and Jen have just started their testing to make sure that they are fertile and able to conceive a child.

I love the fact that IVF, surrogacy, and infertility is being discussed out in the media, it gives so many people hope that they are ways to create a family. I love watching the show every week and seeing where there journey is headed.

Should you potty train your infant?

Until today I had never heard of infant potty training the technical term is "elimination communication" or "natural infant hygiene." Infant potty training is the practice of introducing your baby to the toilet or potty at a very early age —usually between birth and 4 months.

Now, I have to admit this is the most insane thing to me, I cannot imagine trying to potty train my month old, good lord- she is only 5 months old. She is learning new things every day, do we really have to throw the potty into that mix?

Parents who do this usually do this to avoid diapers completely by racing their baby to the nearest bathroom whenever they anticipate a poop or pee. Others use diapers on and off. By 18 months, in most cases, their children have "graduated" — that is, they know when they have to use the toilet and get themselves there successfully.

Just a fun fact- the average baby boy in the United States gives up diapers at 39 months and the average girl at 36 months, according to a 2001 study by the Medical College of Wisconsin. (It typically takes eight to ten months for a child to go from complete reliance on diapers to being fully potty trained, the study found.)

While the notion of potty training a very young infant seems radical to many American parents, it's not a new idea. Before 1950, most children in the United States were toilet trained by 18 months. And today, most African, Asian, and European babies are trained well before their second birthday. The change in views is most likely from the invention of disposable diapers.

People claim that infant potty training strengthens the bond between parent and child because as a parent you are learning your child's cues and learning to be in tune with your child's needs. People claim that learning their bathroom cues is just as easy as learning their cues for being sleepy or hungry.

Now for everyone out there that is wondering how you can get started here are some basic ideas:

• Watch your baby and get to know their elimination patterns. When and how often does your baby go to the bathroom? Does he always go at a particular time of day — right after waking up, for example? Does he make any particular noises, gestures, or expressions when he has to go?

• When your baby makes one of his typical elimination signs, hold him gently over a toilet, a potty, or even a bucket or pot, which may better suit his tiny size.

• While he's relieving himself, make a noise that your baby will learn to associate with elimination (many parents use ssssss or some other water like sound; others use a word or phrase like "go potty").

• Repeat this sound or phrase whenever you see that your baby has to go, and also while he's going, so he'll learn to recognize it as a signal and connect his own impulses with the act of using the potty.

• When an accident happens, be matter-of-fact about it and stay relaxed. Advocate and mother of five Parise says your attitude helps your child stay relaxed about the process, too.

• During the nighttime, keep a potty right by the bed and put your baby on it before nursing or if he's restless during the night. Some advocates say that babies rarely pee or poop during a deep sleep and will usually become restless or give some sort of sign sufficient to wake a parent when they need to go — assuming that you're co-sleeping. (Other advocates say that using diapers at night is fine. Even self-proclaimed infant potty training "evangelist" Lynch admits, "In our house, sleep trumps pee.") If you opt to put your baby down sans diaper, place him on a waterproof mattress pad in case of an accident.

So I have thrown the idea out there- do what you want with it, I have to admit that I would never do this- I feel there is a reason that diapers were invented and I have much better things to do with my time then hold my child over a toilet ten times a day. I would much rather be cuddling with my baby or taking a walk with them then be hanging out in the bathroom with my child.

Congrats to Celine Dion!

After what seems like forever Celine Dion is finally getting her happy ending, it was just announced that she is 14 weeks pregnant with twins, concieved through her sixth IVF attempt. She had embryos that were frozen from several years ago. This is great news, and although she is in her 40's her embryos are in the 30's since they were frozen years ago.

This brings up a endless debate of "how old is too old to have children"? Now many would argue that women over the age of 40 should not be allowed to undergo fertility treatments, because this is just too old to have children. There is many arguments that vary from the medical risks for a 40 something year old woman to have a child are just not worth it, and then there is the fact that can a 40 something woman have the engery to keep us with her growing child.

Dr Sher of the Sher Institute discusses the medical risks involved with having a child: "Yes there are age-related medical risks and it is indisputable that pregnancy in older women is associated with increased risk to both mother and baby. Pregnancy-induced complications (e.g. preeclampsia, gestational diabetes intrauterine growth retardation, premature separation of the placenta, preterm delivery, low birth weight, dysfunctional labor and cesarean section ) are all far more likely to occur in older women. However, this risk can be lessened by in advance identifying those older women who are most predisposed to developing such complications."

In terms of women not being able to keep up with the growing childen, we as humans are living longer these days, many women are living well into their eighties. Yes, there may be some compromises involved with the physical activitis that children take part in, there are other benefits to being an older parent, more life experiences, knowledge, and wisdom- everything is a trade off.

I strongly disagree that a physican should be able to deny a patient fertility treatments because of age, this is down right discrimination. However it is the duty of that physican to advise of the potential risks so the patient can make an educated informed decision.

As someone who dealt with infertility until you have walked in these infertile shoes you can have no opnion. You do not know what it feels like to not be able to have children. For some being pregnant and experiencing child birth is very important, and for those people they will go to the end of the earth to have that experience, even it means countless IVF's. Hat's off to Celine and her family, prayers for healthy pregnancy and happy babies in the fall!

We are eating solids- well kinda!!

Out little monkey is growing by leaps and bounds and about a month ago we got the go head from our doctor to start solid foods, well baby food that is. She loves it! Well, our first try failed, she hated the rice cereal, and I have to admit I can't blame her- I wouldn't want to eat that either. One thing to remember is always give rice cereal with a spoon, never put it in a bottle, unless you are directed by your doctor- it can cause a choking hazard.

We have since moved onto apples, banana's, oatmeal, carrots, and squash- and she is loving all of them. Her favorite is the mix of banana's and strawberries. She has even starting trying to hold her own spoon- wow they grow up so fast!!

The rule that I have been following is introducing a new food every three days, that way you give time to see if there is going to be an allergic reaction. She is still getting her bottles every 3-4 hours, because her main source of nutriation should still be coming from formula, not baby food.

I am also considering making my own baby food, but I have not jumped on that band wagon yet, maybe soon- stay tuned!

Tips for child safety in the Summer heat

As the weather starts to warm up around the country it's always good to remember that leaving children alone in the car is always dangerous, but in the summer it can spell disaster!!

On a typical summer day, the temperature inside a car can rise above 120 degrees; on mild days it can reach 100 degrees. In 10 minutes, the temperature inside a car can rise 19 degrees. In 20 minutes, that temperature can rise 29 degrees. So remember do not leave your child in the car alone, even if it's just a minute, not even with the air conditioner running.

There have been several tragic tales of people who have left their child in the car seat overnight or all day and the child has died. This is a tragic story, but unfortunately it happens. We, as parents, are all guilty of doing to much and not getting enough sleep- and those parents of infants are definitely walking around sleep deprived. But this is not an excuse, you have to give special attention to making sure your child is not in the car when you exit.

Make sure you actually drop the child off at day care, that is another tragic story. Everyone knows the story of the mother forgets to go to the day care and the child is left in the car all day in the parking lot, unfortunately this story has come true, too many times.

There are some simple steps you can take to ensure your child's safety while in the car:

1) Always lock your car and store the keys in a location where your kids cannot get to them.

2) Install a trunk release mechanism, so kids don't get trapped there.

3) Prioritize. Get your children out of the car first when you get home, and then take anything else like groceries or your dry cleaning out of your vehicle.

4) When leaving your car, check to make sure everyone is out of the car. Do not overlook any children that have fallen asleep in the car. Rear facing car seat are especially hard to see children in, so double check!!

5) Even if you leave a child in a car that is running with the air conditioning on, it does not mean that they are any safer. A child may accidentally put the car into drive or get caught in a power window.

6) Bring your children with you when running errands, or use a drive-through if one is available.

7) Fire Rescue officials say one way to never forget a child in the car is the stuffed animal method. Place a stuffed animal in a visible location like the front seat when you have a child in the car. When you take the child out of the car, place the stuffed toy in the car seat. The visual will help remind you there is a child in the back.

Wow, what a difference a year makes!

If you would have asked me a year ago to describe my life right now there would have been no way that I could have done it accurately! In one year my life has totally turned around.

A year ago we were getting ready to start our first IVF, so full of hope that it would work on the first try and we soon would be celebrating my pregnancy. After the first IVF didn't work I was crushed, but still hopeful that the next time it would work.

I spent hours researching and meeting with different fertility specialists here in town and after much deliberation decided to switch doctors. Our second IVF went off without a hitch- everything went great- and then we got the best news of all- it had worked- I was pregnant. I remember driving home from work that day, it was like a weight had been lifted, I had forgotten what it felt like to not worry about getting pregnant.

Little did I know that all that happiness would be short lived- two days later we got devastating news that I was not pregnant- it had not worked, we were right back were we started. That week, the first week of August was the worst week of my entire life- that was the lowest point in all my life. My world was crushed, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Then somehow someway I managed to pull myself out of the hole I was living in and got some stuff together. I found a card in midst of all our business cards and it was for an adoption recruiter for the county. I called and they said the first step was to attend an informative meeting, and amazingly that meeting happened to be the following weekend. I showed up got the paperwork, told my husband that we were going to get fingerprinted and take these classes so we could possibly adopt through the county.

It all seemed to fall into place, everything just happened so quickly and by the end of September we were sitting in a classroom with 16 other couples learning how we could expand our family through adoption.

And here I sit almost 7 months after our first class- with my beautiful daughter sleeping like an angel in her crib upstairs. Who would have thought it. I have a new outlook on life- I know now that I can get through anything and that everything happens for a reason.

Do infertiles make better parents?

This is something that could possibly cause some drama in mommy world, but I do believe that people that have suffered through infertility and struggled to have children make better parents, because they want it more then other parents. I think that something happens to you when you really want something and you can't have it.

Research shows that families created with the help of fertility treatment compare favorably with families that conceived without treatment, especially after the first 12 months. There is some research that infertility patients are more anxious during pregnancy and their child’s first year of life, but the anxiety usually passes after that. Parents that conceive through IVF tend to be more protective of their children; more child focused; and show greater warmth towards their children. These studies have been small, but this supports what I see in real life.

Parents who chose to adopt rather than stay in infertility treatment also make great parents. Studies show that adoptive parents invest more time and financial resources in their children than biological parents and “evidence a high level of strength in terms of warmth, communication, discipline, and cohesion.” Researchers speculate that “One of the reasons adoptive parents invest more is that they really want children, and they go to extraordinary means to have them.” Amen to that.

I have to admit that I worry about the effect of over protectiveness on kids, but I think our entire generation of parents is over protective, not just parents that conceived or adopted after years of trying. I don’t think we have a good grasp on how to weigh relative risks. We are overly worried about low chance risks such as stranger abduction; as a result we micromanage our kids’ lives because we are afraid to let them out of our sight. The older my kids get the more I believe that children need to learn certain lessons from failure and falling and figuring things out on their own. But that is the subject of a different blog.

Parents that have had to struggle to become parents sometimes have a hard time giving themselves permission to have the normal feelings of frustration that comes along with parenting. They may feel let down after all the years of anticipation. They may think they don’t have the right to complain about being tired, or wishing for a day to themselves, or craving time to wash their hair and shave their legs. But fortunately, these feeling also usually pass with time. Most parents of two year olds and teens feel pretty darn entitled to their frustration, regardless how they got their kids.

Infertility can affect the quality of parenting in two ways. Infertility treatment results in a disproportionately large number of multiple births, and much research supports that parenting twins and triplets is much more stressful on parents. Also, subsequent attempts at infertility treatment for a second child can add significant stress on parents. Of course we are all familiar with the John and Kate plus 8 situation- they wanted just "one more" and ended up with 6- talk about stress to a family!!

I seem to be drawn to people who have struggled to create their families, and I have no doubt that their kids are the most loved in the world. I know my child is certainly one of the most loved kids in the world, mostly because of the trail of tears, prayers, and struggles that it took to get her.

God only gives you what you can handle.

Tonight I watched a show on TLC titled "Quintuplet Surprise" and it was about Casey and Ethan Jones from Austin, TX that had 5 babies in January of 2009.

The story was great, they had gone through IUI using donor sperm, because the husband had very low sperm counts. This family had it all, a beautiful little 4 year old girl, an absolutely beautiful home, tropical vacations every year, and great careers. Then they had quints- and their lives changed forever. The husband kept saying that everyone tells them that their children were such a blessing, to which he said "who prayers to have 5 babies at one time?" Yes the quints are a blessing, but their life would never be the same.

The husband was a home builder and when the economy tanked so did his business- they had to sell their big beautiful home and move into a smaller home and money was a constant worry, so was keeping all 5 kids in diapers. They figured if all 5 could be potty trained by age 2 it would save them over $20,000 a year just in diapers!!

I began to think about my own life while watching this show- I used to pray for twins, or even triplets- you have to consider these options when going through fertility treatments. I just wanted to get pregnant, I didn't care with how many.

Now that I watch this show I really have a new appreciation for that saying "God does not give you more then you can handle" There would have been no way I could have handled more then one baby at a time, mentally or financially (especially with the economy taking a crap).

Our little monkey is just an angel- she is a good sleeper and a good eater- and I just have to stop and think this is what I was meant to deal with. I really believe that this was God's plan for me all along- because he knew what I could handle. John and I have such a schedule with monkey- our lives are not any different, expect that we take her with us, and we are doing just great.

My life is so rich and full right now, and it's all happening when it was meant to happen, I truly believe for the first time in my life that I am where I am meant to be and with the people I am meant to be with.