My Story- the good, the bad, the miscarriage.

Well, since I have been telling you about different ways to help you get pregnant, I feel its only fair that I share my story.

It all began in August 2006- John and I got married and decided that we wanted some alone time before we starting trying to have a baby. We agreed that March 2007 is when we would start trying. So, in December of 2006 I decided to go off the pill, thinking that it would take 2 months to get my body back to normal. Well, fast forward a month to the end of January 2oo7 and my period is 4 days late. I arrived home from work and decided to take a home pregnancy test (HPT) just to see. Much to my surprise it was positive, I couldn't believe it, I was pregnant. But I had to be sure, I mean it was an old test, and they can be wrong. So it was a Friday night and John and I had our usual dinner out plan. We went to Ceasars Palace at ate at the Cheesecake Factory, throughout the entire meal I didn't say a word. But after dinner we went home and I went to Walmart and bought 4 HPT's. I came home and about midnight they were all positive.

Now, being married to a banker I have learned the personality, everything is planned and everything in the right time. Well, this was not the right time, it was 2 months before John wanted kids. So, nervously I walked into the office with the Clear Blue Easy digital test and said, "promise you wont be mad" and showed him. He was very excited. I was relieved!

We were pregnant! I couldn't believe our luck! My mom had struggled for years to have me, so this was a shock! All I kept thinking was, we didn't even have to try!

We told our mom's and that was about it, but our family cannot keep a secret so within 2 days the entire family knew.

Well, our excitement was short lived, 2 weeks later I started spotting, I immediately called the doctor who ordered blood work, everything came back perfect, but they scheduled me for an ultrasound the next week. Two days later my spotting turned into bright red blood. I called my mother, the nurse, and she immediately jumps on an airplane and flies 3000 miles to be with me. Now I love my mother, however this was not the time to have her staying with me! I know she was trying to help, but it was not helping.

I kept my ultrasound appointment and to our dismay there was nothing to see. I knew it in my heart. I had such extreme pain and so much blood, I knew I was miscarrying. I will never forget that day, February 13th, 2007, it was horrible. I hate that doctors office and I hate that office building. I have since switched doctors so I do not have to go back there.

I went back to work the next day, although I do not know why, and I had to act like nothing was wrong, and be excited that it was Valentines Day. John and I still went out to dinner, but not even the best meal could make me feel better. I took some time to grieve, and feel bad for myself, until I realized that being sad wasn't going to change anything.

Over the next few weeks I started to feel better. I thought we got pregnant once, we will get pregnant again. I kept thinking if I can just get pregnant everything will be okay. But as the months went on and on, without being pregnant, it got harder to deal with.

I still wonder what things would be like if I hadn't lost that baby. I also know that there are things that have happened that would not have happened if we would have had a baby, our business is the prefect example.

Now that it has been almost 2 years, I have moved on and I try not to think about my miscarriage, but it is a part of me, just like infertility is a part of me. I will beat this, I will hold our baby in my arms.