Will this ever end?

I don't think I have ever wanted something to end so bad in my life. I hate this struggle, I just want to have a baby, just one. People have them everyday and they are conceived everyday. Why do I have to enlist the help of 2 doctors and lots of drugs and procedures just to do what comes naturally to others?
I hate that I do not know when this journey will end, its all the uncertainty that drives me crazy. I hate that I could potentially have IVF insurance coverage in a few months, but then on the flip side, John could get laid off and then we don't have it. Its like can't they please just wait until May to lay him off? It could be 6 days, or 6 months with these lay offs. No one knows, so everyday we just wait, every day is one day closer to getting the insurance that we need.

I have been doing so much research on companies that cover IVF, my next plan is to start applying at those companies. I would leave my nice office job with a personal assistant and go work at McDonald's if it meant I could have IVF coverage. That is so sad! Here I am a college graduate and I would give up a career to go flip burgers at a greasy fast food restaurant.
Damn insurance companies, why can't they all just pay for IVF! Why can you have a baby if you have enough money. That is not right!

IVF scares the crap out of me, I refuse to do it if we have to pay for it ourselves. The stress and pressure of it having to work that one time is too great. I do not think I could handle it if it didn't work. Its a 50/50 shot, at least with adoption you will get a baby eventually.

So tomorrow is another day, another day that I have to look at everyone else's babies, at other pregnant women's bellies and think about why not me? I pray every day for God to please bring us our baby. I just want to close this chapter of my life. I am tired of worrying about it, of researching it, and dealing with not being able to have kids, that is my biggest fear. I just want to scream. I want that ball in the back of my throat to go away. I want to stop crying tears of sadness. Off to bed, at least I don't have to think when I am asleep. Its the one time of peace that I have in my life.