I am offically a lunatic!

Yes people I have offically lost my mind. I just feel so detached to reality right now. My entire world right now is about IVF and getting pregnant. Please God promise I will have a life again one day!?

It's so hard for me to concentrate on other things in my life, because I still have to function and get things done for other people, when I really just want to look at them and say, "f*** you, can you call me back after I'm pregnant, because right now I really don't give a rats ass about you and your problems!" Yes, I know CRAZY! But I can't help it, I guess I just feel that my life is so much more important that others right now. To me, trying to get pregnant with IVF is so much bigger that whatever people could be complaining about.

Today I had to go get more blood drawn at Quest, no biggie, I really could care less about getting my blood drawn. So I am sitting in the chair and the nurse goes, "I'm really sorry I have to take 2 tubes of blood" I looked and her and said, "that's nothing, I'm used to 10 or 12 tubes" and she looked at me like I was crazy. I explained that with IVF and fertility treatments I am used to it. Then she asked, "what is IVF?" I almost fell out of my seat! Serioulsy people read a book- please try and educate yourself. She's a nurse for goodness sake!

So that was my day, I am glad it's over and almost time for the weekend!
Only 3 more weeks of peace then the shots start! I am nervous, in a way I feel like I should wait another month, but then I think why would I wait? Go for it. Please God let this be our miracle, we are so ready to be parents, please bring us our baby.

Tomorrow is the big day!

Beta day that is, or AKA the pregnancy test. I am eerily calm, I have not tested and do not plan on it. I feel fine, I have no real symptoms- I have had some cramping, but cramping is normal in early pregnancy and before you get your period. So here we go, I am prepared for both outcomes- and I think I have prepared John for both outcomes.
Cross your fingers for us! Please God, let this be our miracle!

Baseline = Starting Line

Ready. . . . Set. . . . Go. . . .

Today was the ever important baseline ultrasound and bloodwork and I am happy to report that I passed with flying colors. My ultrasound showed about 11 follicles and my lining was nice and thin, just the way they like it, and no cysts! My doctor said she is expecting around 12 eggs, which is average, and she said that I should be very happy about that. All my bloodwork looked great! They have to make sure that your estrogen is very low and that your body is absorbing the Lurpon so you don't ovulate until the doctor wants you to. So everything looked great, and my FSH was 3.5, that is the lowest it has ever been. So hopefully that means that my eggs will be great quality and make great embroyos. FSH is a basic bloodtest that is done on day 3 of a cycle and it is the first step in assessing ones fertility. Normally the lower the number the better, anything over 10 is usually a reason for concern.
One thing I have to remember is this is a marathon, slow and steady, not a sprint to the finish line.

I did have a mini break down on my way from the doctors office to my office, I was driving and all of a sudden the tears just started flowing. I do feel better after I cry, so that is the upside. Everyone tells me to be positve and optimistic, but it's a lot harder then it sounds. But I take their advice and put on a smiling face and block out the negative thoughts!

Here we go, we are so ready, this has been 2 1/2 years in the making!

MOTHER F**CKER

Made you look! HAHA! Just kidding, not I did not just swear at you, its actually a gene mutation that I have. MTHFR, looks a lot like Mother F**cker doesn't it? The long name is Methlyenetetrahydrifikate reductace (MTHFR) and it is a key enzyme in the metabolism of homocystine. Mutation sin the MTHFR gene have been reported as causes of hyperhomcysteinemia. The most common MTHFR mutation , C^&&T, is present in homozygous state in 5-10% of the general Caucasian population. Homozygous individuals are predisposed to developing hyperhomocysteinemia, particularly when deficient in foliate. I am oh so lucky to have this gene mutation. Which means that I have be on extra high doses of folic acid (5 times what the normal person takes) in order to protect my body and my baby. Folic acid helps to form the spine in the fetus, so not having enough folic acid could cause birth defects. I also will have to be on blood thinner once pregnancy is confirmed, via blood test. The blood thinner that is most frequently used is Lovenex, and it is an injectible medication. So needless to say, after shooting up for weeks prior to IVF, I will be shooting up for 40 weeks while pregnant. Not that I mind, if I had to take 100 shots a day to protect my child I would do it.

Having this gene mutation puts me at higher risk for developing blood clots and therefore late 2nd and 3rd trimester miscarriages. So the blood thinners are key in me having a successful pregnancy. There are a lot of horror stories on the Internet, however the thing to remember is that these horror stories are from people who did not know that they have the mutation, so knowing that I have this is very important in combating it. My doctor has been all over this and has been very proactive in treating my mutation.

I think what is so hard about this is that I will never have a easy pregnancy that is stress free. Not only have I had to jump through hoops to get pregnant- but once pregnant I will have to be seen by a high risk OBGYN, and seen almost weekly to make sure that they baby is okay. In a way I am happy because I will get lots of extra attention. This also makes me feel like this is it- with all my issues we may not be doing this again, this is where my hopes of having twins come in- my body may not be able to have another child after this. I don't want to worry about that right now, my goal at this time is to walk away with a healthy baby, if it's more then one then that's a bonus.

I really had to push to have the blood tests done that caught my gene mutation, and without this information I could have had one devastating miscarriage after another. So I really want women out there to be your own advocate, and talk to your doctor, especially if you have been suffering from miscarriages demand to have the repeat pregnancy loss blood panel done. It may answer all your questions.
Don't stop asking questions and demand answers, this is your body and your baby you are fighting for.