Starting to feel more human!

Well, its been a rough week and a half- we have been dealing with our failed IVF cycle the past few days, and I am finally starting to feel more normal. Its been a rough few days, I have cried, been angry and be down right irrational. I actually had a moment a few days ago where I actually screamed "I want my babies back!"
I feel like I have lost so much. Not only did I loose a baby almost two years ago to a miscarriage, but I had 6 embryos that didn't make it in my uterus.

I know that I cannot go through life thinking about my embryos that didn't make it, but wow it really hurts to think that I had fertilized eggs in me and they didn't turn into a baby.

John and I have done some talking and we are going to make some changes with our baby making. But that will have to be it's own entry.

Its amazing it take so much time to go through the IVF process and only one day to shatter your dreams when the pregnancy test comes back negative. I feel like I have let everyone down- everyone knew about our IVF and everyone was thinking it was a done deal that we would get pregnant. So god help me our next IVF NO ONE is going to know- I do not want to tell anyone. I do not need the pressure of others. I know that people are just trying to be supportive, but its hard, because they don't know what this feels like.

The good the bad and the acne!

Well, here I am trying to have a baby and taking birth control! Yes, you read that correctly BIRTH CONTROL! Its part of my IVF protocol it helps to shut your body down so my doctor can tell it what to do with other drugs that will come later.
But the up side of birth control is the great skin that comes with it. I never have had an issue with acne, even as a teenager I had great skin. Well, will all the fertility drugs it reaks havoc on your skin, so I have been breaking out like crazy the past year. So needless to say I spend lots of money on make up, skin cleaner, and facials trying to keep it under control.

So heres to getting pregnant and having great glowing skin in the process!