It's the year of FUN!!!!

If you are realty TV junkie like me that you know that Bill and Guiliana Ransic are back on The Style Network. The new season premiered on Monday night at 8pm, and it was a great episode. We join the couple trying to move on with life after 2 failed IVF cycles. They decided to have a " Year of Fun" and to table having a baby for a year and then revisit the issue. I think this is a great idea, I think so many times you get caught up in trying to have a baby that you loose sight of life. I know that happened to John and I, and we are still working to repair the damage that it did to our relationship, I don't think people realize the stress that infertility puts on a couple.

So if you watched the Ransic's last season you know that Bill built this AHH-MAZING home for his family in the burbs of Chicago, let me tell you that house was just perfect, but he decides to sell the house and move to LA to be closer to Guiliana, since that is where she is based because of her job with E! Network.

The show ends with Bill saying that even though he doesn't know anyone in LA and it's very scary to sell your home and move to a new city, that he will do it because life is an adventure, and as long as he has the love of his life he can live anywhere. Can I tell you how much I love Bill- I think he is great!

If you are a consistent reader of my blog then you know that I constantly compare John and I to Bill and Guiliana, because I feel out lives parallel each other in so many ways, and this episode was not any different.

To give you some insight into our lives John and I currently live in Las Vegas, John has been here pretty much his entire life, and I am going on 7 years, and that is about 6 years too long for me, I am ready to jump ship and go back to the South- where my family is. Now that we have Claire this urge to "jump ship" is even stronger. I just do not want to raise my daughter in Las Vegas. Well, just like Bill, John would be moving somewhere where he doesn't know anyone and doesn't know the areas, but because he loves me and for his daughters best interest he's willing to give it a shot. So, eventually we will be moving to North Carolina- we have many things to get into place, but it will happen sooner than later. I had to have John watch the part of "Bill and Guiliana," where Bill was talking about life being an adventure, he just shakes his head and says "see we are so much alike". Now if we could just be friends with them, I wonder if I can make that happen!?

Okay, I am off to watch Sesame Street with Claire- this is our new nightly routine. Next up photos from out latest family vacation!

18 month stats

My baby is growing up so fast, I cannot believe she is 18 months old. We just had our 18 month well check and she is healthy as a horse! The pediatrician and I discussed her vocabulary and her eating habits- he said keep pushing the veggies, Claire is not a fan- she would much rather eat cheese or chicken! She continues to be on the petite side, but she has had a growth spurt- jumping up into the 50 th percentile for her height, I thought she looked taller. Our pediatrician said she is very well proportioned and said she is just perfect, I have to agree.
I had to laugh when they came in with her shots she looked at the tray and said UHH OHH!! Poor thing, she knew what was coming!

Here are some 18 month stats:

Weight: 22.5 lbs- 30th percentile
Height: 31 inches- 50th percentile
Wearing 12-18 month clothes
Wearing Size 4 diaper
Continues to love "puppy" who goes everywhere with us

LOVES Elmo and Sesame Street
Saying about 15 words- which include: Mama, Dada, Elmo, Daisy, Baby, Money

Claire is such a happy and sweet kid- she loves to give kisses and hugs, but still remains very serious and guarded around people she doesn't know- she always looks like she is just taking in all her surrounds and processing it.

Just Breathe. . .

When we are 10 years old and playing house with our friends we fantasize what our lives will be like when we grow up. We say we will marry Prince Charming and live in a big white house with blue shutters, a red door, and a tire swing in the front yard. No one stops to tell you that that is not reality.

We grow up a little more and realize around the age of 21 that Prince Charming does not exist and that just maybe we won't have 2.5 children and a white picket fence. We realize that money does not grow on trees and that at some point you have to pull yourself together and go to work.

At some point you get married and after about 2 years the honeymoon phase ends, and then the realty of mortgages, jobs, and responsibility sets in. Then in the blink of an eye you have a baby, and you get hit by a ton of bricks. Whoever thought you could be SO tired? How can a 8 pound meatloaf push you over the edge? Well at 4am when you haven't slept in 3 days you find out just how close to that edge you can get. You realize that sex is the last thing on your mind, the bed is for sleeping now, and sleeping only! You now do not own anything that is not covered in spit up or vomit, and your memory- well forget that, oh wait you already did, and where the hell are my damn keys!!??

If you have not experienced any of these blessed events, just hold on because one day you will and you realize that everything I have just said is oh so true. Now I sit here as a 30 year old working mom and wife. There is nothing I would change about my life, and I do not regret any of the decisions I have made, for those decisions have made me the person I am today, but damn life is hard work!

I feel like I have 10 balls in the air at all times, and I do just about everything I can to keep them all up in the air. My mind, or what is left of it, is constantly thinking of what I have to do 2 weeks in advance, because I need to coordinate it. There is no more going out at the last minute, you need to schedule a baby sitter, there is no time for anything to go wrong- everything must run like a well oiled machine.

There is ALWAYS laundry to be done, meals to be planned, dry cleaning to be picked up or dropped off, groceries to be bought, phone calls to be returned, a house to be cleaned, dinners to be cooked, dishwashers to be loaded/unloaded, a dog to be walked- and the list goes on and on and this is just the daily household things. That is not including what I do during the 8 hours that I am at work.

Then add on taking care of a 18 month old and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with my husband there are days where this mountain seems almost to big to even try to climb. Somehow I manage to chip away piece by piece, but I never feel like I get enough done- there are always things that get left undone, and I feel like a failure pretty much on a daily basis. Now this is partially my fault, as I am perfectionist so I like things done my way and a certain way, but most days I feel like I am failing as a mother and as a wife.

My husband tells me that I need a hobby, and I think when do I have time for a hobby? I wish I had time- I wish I knew what I would like to do, because in this time of my life I almost feel robotic. I try to be proactive in certain situations as to avoid an issue down the road and sometimes it just blows up in my face, because I cannot accept that not everyone is like me. I try to plan things out months in advance and then I spend months obsessing, which is using energy that I really don't have to spare.

I feel like I need to just take a step back and breathe, I need to live in the moment and realize that if something doesn't get done the world will not end, I feel like I am missing my daughters most precious time, because I am more concerned that she stay on her schedule.

This is not meant as a bitch session, but mearly away for me to hopefully go back and read this and change things in my life as to make it better and better for those around me.

I got the right "stuff" baby!

In a time where so much is going wrong in the world and so many Americans are dealing with tough times we continue to be blessed and thankful for all we have. Although there are days where that gets hard for me, a few weeks back it felt like everything was going wrong, everything we touched broke or blew up, and I am not kidding. In the matter of a week our microwave died, our laptop blew up, our DVR stopped working, and my sunroof in my car started to leak. I was literally at the end of the rope. It took a few weeks but we managed to get everything, except my sunroof (which has been an ongoing issue) repaired or replaced. We now have a new DVR, a new laptop, and a working microwave, life is good again!

During this time when I felt like my life was a mess, all because of a microwave, a DVR, a laptop, and a sunroof I was quickly brought back to reality when talking to my mom and sister. My sweet 17 month old nephew, Drennan, was diagnosed with cancer 6 months ago in December 2010 ~ a rhabdomyosarcoma in his pelvis (a soft tissue mass - not in the actual bone). He has been undergoing weeks and weeks of chemo and radiation, and he had a major surgery several weeks ago to remove his tumor. Now when talking to my family about my nephew all our broken "stuff" doesn't really seem that important, it's just "stuff". The "stuff" that my sister and nephew have to deal with is the important "stuff" it's not electronics, it's life, and life is so precious and fragile and in a second it can change and it may never be the same.

Two days ago, I was buried up to eye balls at work and in a bad mood- I was stressed out and overworked, life was looking pretty bleak for me, I was just all around in a bad mood. I logged onto my favorite message board (The Nest) to see what was going on, and hope to be distracted enough to try to clam down. Much to my dismay I was hit with the news that one of my fellow "nesties" 9 month old daughter was diagnosed with a very very raregenetic disorder, for which she will need a bone marrow transplant to be cured. Yet again, all my work "stuff" isn't important, here, yet again, is another precious life that is changed in the blink of an eye. You just never know. I have added a Pray for Kate button in the upper left hand corner of my blog- please click it, feel free to add it to your blog and pray for Kate, her mom Lindsey and dad Alex.

John and I are like every other married couple we argue and disagree over things, and sometimes we even get into heated discussions, but at the end of the day we love each other and are committed parents to Claire, but its moment's like these that make us appreciate what is really important in life. So hug your kids a little tighter tonight, and tell your husband, your mom, your dad, your best friend, whoever is closest to you in your life that you love them, and remember they are the "stuff" that matters. Also please keep Drennan and Kate in your prayers.

Say my name, say my name!

As I type the title of this blog post I can't help but be transported back to my college days at Bowling Green State University. Before Beyonce was a solo singer she was a member in a little band called Destiny's Child, and they had a hit song called "Say My Name". My friends and I loved that song, we could not help but roll all the windows in the car and belt out the lyrics when it was on the radio.

Now as an adult that song's title has a entirely new meaning, now that Claire's adopiton is final we have to take a bunch of steps to get her name offically changed. The first step was getting her certified adoption decree, which we just recieved, then we have to wait for her new certified birth certificate, which will have John and mine names listed as her parents- I am really looking forward to recieving that! After we get that I head off to the social security office to request a new number and change her name. Then it's all about changing her passport, and getting all her shot records and medical records switched.

It seems like an exhausting daunting process, but I'm sure it will all be fine- to ease the stress I may have to dig out my old Destiney's Child CD have a sing along!

We are official!

It's official- Claire's adoption is complete, it was finalized this morning. I really did not think I would be stressed out, but last night I was super nervous and this morning I couldn't get to the courthouse fast enough. Once once I got to the courtroom and saw all our family and friends who had come to celebrate with us and our little girl I couldn't help but get chocked up. I made it all the way through hearing until the last second then the tears starting to flow, but I had to get it together so I could go take pictures with the judge.

It was an amazing morning, Claire has been ours since the first day we held her, but now she's legally ours, and no one can take her away. We are in heaven!

16 months

I can sum up this age in 3 words: SHE NEVER STOPS! This is has to be the most exhausting age. Every minute on every day Claire is moving, running, jumping or climbing, you name it she's doing it and it's all day long. By the time she goes to bed I am collapsed in a heap on the couch. We are going to start her in gymnastics class next month, it's a mommy and me class (now that should be interesting!) that is once a week for 45 minutes- they get to jump on trampolines and play in the foam pit- should be fun for her- this will be her first group activity, other then daycare.

More big news, our finalization hearing is NEXT TUESDAY, in less then a week she will be our forever daughter, we are thrilled and next Tuesday cannot come fast enough. So I will update with photos from court when that is complete.

In closing here are some basic facts about our little monkey!

Size 4 diaper
Wearing size 12-18 month clothes
Loves to dance, especially to the Batman theme song- thank you daddy!
Loves Elmo
Just discovered her ride on toys- she has been afraid of them since Christmas
Wearing a size 3 shoe
Loves her sippy cup and milk
Can eat with a fork and spoon, she actually prefers it this way!

Happy Mother's Day- a little late!

Well, in true mom's fashion I am a day late in wishing all the mom's out there a Happy Mother's Day! You know I always have to be fashionably late!!

We had a great mother's day, it started with Claire sleeping through the night, WOO HOOT! Daddy got up with her in the morning and let me sleep in until 10am! We pretty much just relaxed around the house all day, and went to dinner around 7pm. It was just the kind of day I like- relaxing at home watching movies.

I will admit that being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had, because it's 24 hours a day 7 days a week, when you are sick and when you aren't you have to work. But at the end of the day it's the most rewarding. There were so many Mother's Day's that I thought I would never get to be a mother and experience all the stuff that mom's do, so it's even more special to me. I really wanted to be a mom, because I have such a great one. Don't get me wrong my mom and I have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day she is my best friend. People laugh when I say we talk or text at least once a day. She has taught me so much and when she tells me that I'm a good mom that means the world to me, because there are days where I feel like I am doing nothing right.

When I picked Claire up at school on Friday she was clutching this little green thing, I didn't know what it was- when I was finally able to wrestle it out of her little fingers I realized it was her hand print. Her teacher told me "she has not put that thing down since the paint dried!" It's the cutest thing, I love it and I will keep it forever!

So to all the mom's out there Happy Mother's Day! To those who are still fighting to be a mom, I've been there I know it's rough, but believe me it's all worth it at the end of the day!