My Story- the good, the bad, the miscarriage.

Well, since I have been telling you about different ways to help you get pregnant, I feel its only fair that I share my story.

It all began in August 2006- John and I got married and decided that we wanted some alone time before we starting trying to have a baby. We agreed that March 2007 is when we would start trying. So, in December of 2006 I decided to go off the pill, thinking that it would take 2 months to get my body back to normal. Well, fast forward a month to the end of January 2oo7 and my period is 4 days late. I arrived home from work and decided to take a home pregnancy test (HPT) just to see. Much to my surprise it was positive, I couldn't believe it, I was pregnant. But I had to be sure, I mean it was an old test, and they can be wrong. So it was a Friday night and John and I had our usual dinner out plan. We went to Ceasars Palace at ate at the Cheesecake Factory, throughout the entire meal I didn't say a word. But after dinner we went home and I went to Walmart and bought 4 HPT's. I came home and about midnight they were all positive.

Now, being married to a banker I have learned the personality, everything is planned and everything in the right time. Well, this was not the right time, it was 2 months before John wanted kids. So, nervously I walked into the office with the Clear Blue Easy digital test and said, "promise you wont be mad" and showed him. He was very excited. I was relieved!

We were pregnant! I couldn't believe our luck! My mom had struggled for years to have me, so this was a shock! All I kept thinking was, we didn't even have to try!

We told our mom's and that was about it, but our family cannot keep a secret so within 2 days the entire family knew.

Well, our excitement was short lived, 2 weeks later I started spotting, I immediately called the doctor who ordered blood work, everything came back perfect, but they scheduled me for an ultrasound the next week. Two days later my spotting turned into bright red blood. I called my mother, the nurse, and she immediately jumps on an airplane and flies 3000 miles to be with me. Now I love my mother, however this was not the time to have her staying with me! I know she was trying to help, but it was not helping.

I kept my ultrasound appointment and to our dismay there was nothing to see. I knew it in my heart. I had such extreme pain and so much blood, I knew I was miscarrying. I will never forget that day, February 13th, 2007, it was horrible. I hate that doctors office and I hate that office building. I have since switched doctors so I do not have to go back there.

I went back to work the next day, although I do not know why, and I had to act like nothing was wrong, and be excited that it was Valentines Day. John and I still went out to dinner, but not even the best meal could make me feel better. I took some time to grieve, and feel bad for myself, until I realized that being sad wasn't going to change anything.

Over the next few weeks I started to feel better. I thought we got pregnant once, we will get pregnant again. I kept thinking if I can just get pregnant everything will be okay. But as the months went on and on, without being pregnant, it got harder to deal with.

I still wonder what things would be like if I hadn't lost that baby. I also know that there are things that have happened that would not have happened if we would have had a baby, our business is the prefect example.

Now that it has been almost 2 years, I have moved on and I try not to think about my miscarriage, but it is a part of me, just like infertility is a part of me. I will beat this, I will hold our baby in my arms.

A little more techno!

So yesterday I discussed how to chart your temperature and use ovulation predictor kits to track your ovulation. Now, there is an easier way!
For all of you that don't want to wake up, take your temperature, and track it every day.
There is an easier way! The Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM). Its a machine that is about the size of your palm that takes sticks that track your cycle. Its very easy to use, you set it when you start your period and then it will tell you when it needs a stick. When the stick is inserted it simply tests the amount of hormone in your urine and spits out a reading. It tells you when your fertility is low, high, and peak. That way you can plan intercourse when your fertility is at its peak.

The monitor can be purchased online, or at a pharmacy. I have at the best luck at Walgreens. I purchased my monitor online from an online pharmacy, I got it at a discount and it came with a 3 month supply of sticks.

The CBEFM is an investment, the monitor itself runs about $150-$200 depending on where you purchase it. And for a 3 month supply of sticks its about $50, again depending on where you purchase them. I have searched all over and the only pharmacy that I could find the sticks at consistently was Walgreens.

I highly suggest the monitor for someone who doesn't want to go through the hassle of the temping and the charting. And the CBEFM is very effective, I have never had it be wrong with its timing.

Poem

This is a wonderful poem that one of my great nesties posted:


I sit here and wonder
Is it ever to be?
Will I get to displayThe mother in me?
Wonder in time
How the story will end,
Will they just be for others-
The showers I attend.
When’s it my turn
I ask God each day,
The only answer I getIs, “Not today”
I ask only to know
What my future might be,
To plan and prepare God, please tell me.
I just need to know
How long to be strong,
For sometimes I questionmy strength to go on.
I sit here and wonder
Is it ever to be?
Will I get to display
The mother in me?

Understanding your body- your first step!

For some people the act of conceiving will never be an issues, but for one in every six couples conceiving will be difficult and the first step to success is understanding your body and what to look for.

The easiest and most cost effective way to start to understand your body and when ovulation occurs is to chart your Basal Body Temperature (BBT). A Basal Body Thermometer can be purchased at any Walmart, Kmart, or Target for less then $15. Just make sure that you purchase a Basal Body Thermometer, they are different then the ones you would use to take your temperature when you are sick. The easiest way to track your BBT is to take your temperature at the same time everyday, and you want to take your temperature before you get out of bed, so keep your thermometer near your bed, in a nigh stand is always a good place. Just write down the temperature every morning starting on day one of your menstrual cycle.

Keeping track of your BBT is a way to document whether or not you have ovulated. A specific hormonal change during your cycle triggers a rise in basal body temperature. By taking your temperature every day you can chart the rise of your temperature and note the day you ovulate. The BBT chart will not predict when you are going to ovulate, but can serve as a record of your patterns. This will be very helpful when you see your doctor, most doctors will want to see 3-6 months of BBT charts. This aids in seeing if you are ovulating on your own.

You can also purchase ovulation predictor kits (OPK), those can be purchased at any drug store, Walmart, or Target in the family planning section, and usually cost about $20 for a one month supply. OPK's are helpful in helping you determine when you are going to ovulate, so you can time intercourse appropriately. They are very helpful when used in conjunction with a BBT because you can track up to your ovulation day and then confirm that you ovulated with the help of your chart.

For more information on charting pick up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility, its a great book and very informative. Even after you have read it its a great reference book to keep on hand.

WOO HOO!!!

Today I found out that my cysts are gone, we can move onto IUI this month!!
Bring it on! We are SO ready!

One in Six

Did you know that?
That one out of every six couples is struggling with infertility.

That's a lot of people! Everyone thinks that having kids is so easy, and whenever you want it to happen it will happen.
I'm here to tell you that you have to be proactive in what you want in life. We didn't choose this road, but we are and will continue to be stronger people because of it. I sometimes don't know where I get the strength, but it comes. I get out of bed every morning and think this is the month. I continue to go to the doctor and research everything I can on my own and push through this, because its temporary.

I do however have my moments, I cry and think WHY!!! But I also know that I am on this path for a reason. Not only have I grown as a person, it has brought John and I closer together and we will be better parents and better people because of this journey.

I can see my life so clearly. I see the holidays and birthday parties, and the family times. I see myself being pregnant, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, and giving birth. Just thinking about all those moments brings tears to my eyes and take my breath away.

I know I am not the only one feeling what I feel and going though what I am going through, although it certainly feels like it.
Its others that can understand and stand in my shoes that help me the most and give me the most comfort, my only hope is that I make others feel the same.

Fall here we come!

Let me start by saying that I am sorry that I have been MIA for spring and summer. It was a busy time in John and my lives. We purchased another home, and moved in in May. We are thrilled to have more room! We now have lots of room to entertain, and an entire room dedicated to our promotional business!! YEAH! I don't have to work in the garage anymore! And we have a room just reserved just for Baby S. Its a beautiful room, lots of windows and light, and already painted waiting the arrival of our little bundle of joy.
But here's the hard part, we are yet to be pregnant!

We are still working on having a baby, however we have decided to entrust our dreams of parenthood to our wonderful fertility specialist, Dr. L. We were all set to start our first cycle of IUI (artificial insemination) using injectible medication. But I was told that I had a cyst on my ovary and had to sit out a month. So I find out if we are good to go here in two days.

Its been a rough month! I love fall, and I am defiantly happy that the weather is cooling off, but in other ways its bitter sweet. If I had not had a miscarriage last year we would be celebrating a our child's first birthday, I was due on October 1st. 2007. I don't know if I will ever forgot that, and I often wonder if I will ever not think about what could have been.

The other reason that its been rough is that we have many friends and family who's children have birthday's in September. So I have been bombarded with kids, babies and pregnant women all month long. I did better then I expected, looking and holding babies, reminds me of what we are fighting for, and it gives me the strength to keep going through all this, because I know there will be joy in the end.

Moving on

Well, we just returned from an great trip to Cabo! Beauitful weather, and spa treatments, who could ask for more! We are still working on trying to have a baby, our 2nd cycle of Clomid failed, but we are moving forward with more treatment. We have to take the month of March off, so we will try on our own (no drugs!) and then decide what to do next when we see our doctor in April.



I am very optimistic, I know that John and I are meant to be parents, and its just a matter of waiting until its our time. I recently came across a quote that a girl I know told me,



"Your God is big, and He has a big plan for you.. and one day you'll see... that plan will call you mommy"



I love it! This sums up my life perfectly. There are reasons that John and I are not parents yet, and our time will come.