WOW! Stimming fast this time.

I had my ultrasound today to check my follicle process after 6 days on stims, and I have 16 follicles that are looking to be mature, with a few lagging behind. I cannot believe it! I am on a lower dose of meds this time and for less days and I have more eggs, who knew!? I think it was the Menopur that screwed me up last time, the Luveris seems to be working much better for me. I go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and I should be triggering tomorrow night and my egg retrieval should be on Thursday. So excited!!

4 shots a day!

Today I added yet another yet to my drug use, my Luveris. This is a new drug for me, my last cycle I used Menopur. My new doctor feels that the Menopur is way wrong for me, and that it damaged my eggs, he feels the Luveris will be better for me, and it helps with getting better egg quality.

The shot itself was easy, its in the belly and the medicine doesn't hurt at all. I really feel that I could have a serious career as a druggie if I ever needed to. As bad as that sounds it's so true. My PIO came today, which is the progesterone in oil, and I am a bit scared of that. Its a big needle and the medicine is thick, it's an oil, and it goes in your butt so I am not looking forward to that, but I don't start that for awhile.

I have my first ultrasound to check my follicle growth on Monday, I am excited to see how I am progressing, in the past I have been a slow responder- so I am expecting my dosage to be increased, but we shall see.

Our new doctor!

Well after our failed first IVF, I decided that I was going to go see another doctor at another fertility clinic here in Las Vegas. After meeting with Dr. Fisch at SHER Institute I convinced John to switch doctors. As much as I love our old doctor, I just feel that we need a change. I felt like out IVF was rushed and I was put on to much of a common protocol and there was not enough thought that went into our cycle.

I think its human nature when something goes wrong to change something. After talking to the new doctor- he ordered some tests that I have never had. He also feels that I had a egg quality issue- so he is going to work to improve the quality of my eggs this go around. He is very confident that I can get pregnant with my own eggs, which is a relief to me, my biggest fear is donor eggs, just because its so freaking expensive. He said that my protocol with my old doctor was not all that bad, but there would be things that he would change. That made me happy, because my old doctor was not going to to change my stim protocol at all.

While I was talking to the doctor I was going through my last IVF cycle, and I really started to get mad, there was a lot that was done that I feel our old doctor dropped the ball. Our new doctor didn't understand why she didn't let our embryos grow out to day 5, just to see what would happen. He felt transferring all 6 was irresponsible, and I have to agree. I would not have been upset if we did not make it to transfer- I feel we would have had more info on the embryos if we had let them grow another two days, especially because they looked so bad on day 3.
He also feels that John should have been called in to do another semen sample when his sperm was dying. I also felt like why did they leave the sperm so long- if it was dying after an hour- why was it left for an hour?!

So we are cycling again! SCARY!! Not until the end of July- I am currently back on birth control pills- and I will start stims after the 4th of July. I have my appt with the IVF coordinator tomorrow- so hopefully I will get my protocol- I am interested to see what he changes with my protocol.
To read more about our new doctor visit www.haveababy.com.

14 is my new favorite number!

I had my first ultrasound on Monday to check and see how my follicles were doing after 3 days of stims and I had 14 measurable follicles. The doctor was very happy, she said my follicles are slowly but surely kicking into gear. My left ovary seems to be the rockstar ovary- with 9 follicles, the right ovary had 5 follicles. The doctor upped my Follistim and added in another stimulate- Menopour, that is also an injectible- so I am up to 3 shots a day now. Wow, I feel like a druggie!

Overall I feel great, I am starting to have a little ovary pain- which is good- it means my ovaries follicles are growing and containing perfect little eggs!

I used my Anji IVF meditiation cd last night and it was great, I was very relaxed and slept great. It uses meditation and visualtion and there is a track for each part of the cycle, right now I am on the track- stimming- from shots to retreival.

At my doctors request I am going for acupuncture tomorrow- day 6 of stims that is the perfect day for acupuncutre- so I'm sure that will be nice and relaxing, I love going for acupuncture.

I do not have another ultrasound until Friday- so I have full confidence that everything will look great and my follicles will be nice and healthy and contine to grow until early next week- that is my projected egg retreival date.

Stims start your engines!

As instructed I started my Follistim on day 3 of my cycle, which was yesterday. Again, Follistim is a very small needled that is injected into the tummy area. It doesn't hurt a bit. Follistim is my friend, it's liquid gold (as I call it) it makes the follicles grow, therefore creating lots and lots of eggs.

I call it liquid gold because its VERY expensive, I am so lucky to have insurance coverage for it, otherwise it would run around $3000 for one IVF cycle. The more stimulation you need to get your ovaries going the more drug you need- so some women spend tons of money of these drugs. Other common drugs that are used to stimulate the ovaries, is Gonal F and Bravelle.

I go back to the doctor on Monday, so after 3 days of stims we will see where I am with follicle growth. I am also still taking a small dose of Lupron just to keep my ovaries from ovulating and releasing the eggs before the doctor is ready for them and before they are mature enough. So I am up to two shots per day, but again they are a piece of cake- I never thought I would say that.

I have a mix of emotions right now- I am super excited- we have been waiting for this for over a year- but I am also scared- because it's real! I am just taking it day by day and concentrate on what I have to do today- and not worry about tomorrow.

Where did my mind go?

Fiirst off I have to say that the internet is the single greatest invention ever! Thank you, Bill Gates, Al Gore, or whoever freaking invented it. But it can also be my worst nightmare. We literally have oddles of information at our fingertips and today it broke me. I started researching different fertility problems and before I knew it I am diagnosing myself with things that I don't even know they are. By the time I left my office for lunch I sat in my car and had myself a really good cry. I just cannot beleive that we are at this stage in the game. I have such mixed emotions, in a way I always knew we would be doing IVF, I was told back in October of 2007 and again in January 2008 that that's what it was going to take to get pregnant, I just cannot beleive that we are doing this. I always thought IVF was for old rich people who couldn't get pergnant on thier own, boy was I wrong, I know so many young couples who are going through this.

So after I calmed down and made my poor husband feel bad I got my shit together called my doctor and insisted that they rerun all my blood clotting labs and my recurrent pregnancy labs, so I can be sure that everything is okay and that I am property taken care of. I do feel better now about everything. I am a control freak so for me I am putting a lot in others hands.

On the up side my extra dose of Follistim come in the mail today, so I am offically ready. Here we go, ready or not!!

Trying to keep it all together!

Well, we are in the home stretch, in about a week and a half we will have our insurnace, which means that we can start our IVF cycle. I will start birth control pills when I start my period the first week of April, so its BCP's for about 3 weeks, about mid way through April I will start Lupron, to surpress my ovaries. Then after I am fully suppressed (checked almost daily with bloodwork) then I can start stims (which in my case is Follistim) daily injections to stimulate my ovaries to produce lots of eggs.
Then after about 12-14 days of Follistim and lots of ultrasounds to check follicle growth they will schedule me for the egg retreival. That is when they stick a big ass needle through my uterine wall and they asperiate each individual follicle to get the egg out. Then the eggs will be fertilitzed with John's sperm and will be put in the incubator to grown. In then in either 3 or 5 days they best embroyos will be put back into my uterus and will hopefully implant and I will finally be pregnant.
So I am going nuts waiting to get going! I feel like this entire process is waiting waiting and more waiting.

An update on us!

Today is day 5 of stims- AKA day 5 of Follistim shots. I have my day 8 appt with Dr. L I always get nervous before my appts, because I want to know what my ovaries are doing. I always worry that they are going to stop working. So I will update after my appt tomorrow. Wish us luck, we are looking at our 3rd IUI in the next few days.

Back in the Game!

Well, after a much needed break from fertility treatments and one surgery we are as they say "back in the game!" Although its a little sad because part of me was secretly hoping that we would have "break cycle miracle baby" but no such luck. The only thing that makes me feel better about that not happening is that my body was still healing after the lap so getting pregnant was almost impossible, we did't even try, doctor's orders.
But today I had my day 3 ultrasound and blood work, everything looks good so I was given the go ahead to start my daily injections of Follistim. Giving myself those shots is nothing now, today my assistant walked in my office as I was doing it (I had the door closed) but that's how close she and I are, and I am very open about our fertiliy struggles.

So I go back to the doctor on Monday for my day 8 ultrasound and bloodwork, so hopefully my follicles get a growing here in the next few days and give us lots of healthy eggies!

IUI #2 is a go!

Well, I had my last ultrasound today and I have 4 perfect follicles. Again our doctor is like, oh god here we go with 4, but she is very happy with my progress. So I will trigger tonight with the HSG shot and then the IUI is scheduled for Wednesday morning, then I will be on the couch for the rest of the day!

So hoping and praying this works!

Almost time for IUI #2

I go tomorrow for what I hope is my last ultrasound, hopefully all my follicles will be ready to go and I can trigger tomorrow night and our IUI will be on Wednesday. I am so ready for this to be the winning one! We had dinner with our friends last night, the wife is pregnant and due in like a month. It was so hard! They had asked us to meet them at their house, becasue they wanted to show us the finished nursery. Thank god John said, no we will just meet you at the restaurant. But the husband was still showing us pictures. I know he's proud of his work, he did a great job with the painting, but come on, you know we are struggling to have kids, WHY would you do that. Its like grinding salt into the wounds. I just kept saying, its really cute, I mean what else was I going to say? John and I both feel that they stole our nursery idea, pink and brown, and thats why they are making a big deal about it. Oh well, there are lots of pink and brown nursery's, it a very popular color sceme right now. I dont care about that, but its like, yes you did a good job, now SHUT UP!!!

Back to the doctors tomorrow

Tomorrow I go back to the doctor to find out how I am progressing and find out when our IUI will be. I am so hoping it will be Saturday or Sunday- that would make things so much easier for me.

I feel fine, no symptoms- Follistim is easy, the shots don't hurt and there are so weird side effects. I hope I don't have the awful cramps again, those were scary, they were so out of the blue.
But, if this works I dont care what I have to go through. Please work please work please work, thats all I keep saying over and over and my head. I should actually change that to , this will work, this will work!

Well, its been a long day, actually about a 14 hour day, so I am going to relax, and go to bed soon!

Follicle Check today

Today I went to have my first ultrasound and I have 5 follicles again! I cannot believe how well my body responds to the Follistim.
I would absolutely love to have twins, after everything we have been through it would be such a blessing, however I refuse to be greedy so one would be just as much as a blessing.

We are a little more then a week away from Thanksgiving, I love this time of year. When its not hot, but its still nice out. Its the jeans and sweater weather I call it. I still have the sunroof open in the car and its so nice. I am trying so hard to be thankful for what I have. A beautiful home, a great family, a husband who would do anything for me, but in ways I feel so empty, I want to celebrate the holidays with our children.

So its hard to spend time with our family who all have children, because we are the odd duck out, the childless ones! But I will get through it.

IUI in less then 12 hours!

Well our first IUI is tomorrow, very early in the morning. Poor John has to be there super early. I am nervous, but I am excited. I keep thinking, this could be it! This is a much better shot then us just trying on our own, so I am very optimistic.

Its been a long week so far, so I am so happy to be relaxing at home after my IUI tomorrow.
I have been feeling so sick all day, that is a side effect, and I am so bloated, with horrible ovulation pain. But tomorrow I will fee much better!
Wish us luck!

Holy Follicles!

Today I had my day 7 ultrasound, and I have 5, yes you read that correctly, follicles. So we are a go for the IUI on Thursday. I took my last dose of Follistim today, I will do my HCG trigger tomorrow night and I will have the IUI on Thursday. I think John is a little nervous about having more then one baby. But, at this point we will take it as it comes.

Im so excited, I am very optimistic going into this. My lining looks great and my doctor said I was having a text book cycle.

Wish us lots of luck!

Follistim Day 6

Today is day 6 of the Follistim shots, I am starting to have some bruising on my stomach, but no pain. The needles are really small and I cannot even feel them. I am very surprised that there is even bruising. But its all worth it!

My doctor lowered my dosage because I was making too many eggs, so I guess its good to know that my body does at least know how to do something right!

John and I would be so excited to have twins, and we understand the risk of multiples when taking fertility drugs, especially in conjunction with IUI, but we have been waiting so long that we would be blessed to have twins, but I can tell you that would be it, I would have my tubes tied and we would be DONE!

I went and had my acupuncture done yesterday, its so relaxing, its really the only time that I can truly be calm and focused. I highly recommend it.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow to see how things are progressing.

Follistim Day 3

Today was a good day! No strange side effects, I go to the doctor tomorrow for my first ultrasound to check and see how I am progressing.

Busy at work, but nothing that I cant handle, at least it keeps me occupied and I have less time to think about other things.

Talked to my mom tonight, she asked me about coming home for Thanksgiving. In a way I would love to go there and see everyone, but I hate flying, epically during the holidays, its such a pain in the butt! And if we are onto another IUI then I have to think about when the insemination would be. So its official, my life revolves around my ovaries! Who would have thought!

I'm really tired, off to bed, I have to be at the doctors office bright and early!

Day 2 of Follistim

Well today is day 2 of the Follistim, and so far so good. I have no side effects and I feel great. Too bad everyone at my office thinks I'm diabetic, because I sneak off to the bathroom with my little kit and give myself my shot. Too bad, I'm not telling the entire world. Only about 3 people know whats going on, so I guess let everyone think I'm diabetic.
You know its crazy but I don't want the entire office to know my business or what my ovaries are doing on a daily basis.

One thing that did upset me today was there is a girl at my office, and she thinks she is the princess, and feels that she should be treated as such. There was an issue with her and I requesting off the same day. Well, most likely it will be the day that I have my insemination, but I retracted my request and told our HR dept that I will have to see, depending on how I am progressing when the insemination will be, so I may end up being off on that day anyways. Cause guess what, I have not gone through hell and all of this to not listen to the doctor and take it easy after the IUI, and me getting pregnant is more important then her day off. She has no children, doesn't want kids, and knows what I am going through, and she chooses to be inconsiderate.
A normal person would say, "I understand what you are going through you take the day, because of your procedure" but not her. I really hate people sometimes!

IUI #1 we are a go for launch!

I had my day 3 appt today with our fertility specialist. I had my blood drawn, yet again! I swear they are vampires over there! No, the blood really doesn't bother me, I have had so much drawn, one tube is nothing! I also had an ultrasound, which shows how my follicles are growing so they can see how my eggs are developing. Everything looked good and I was told to start my injections of Follistim. Follistim is an overpriced drug (and I am not kidding, its way expensive) that causes your body to make more follicles, therefore producing more eggs. So the more eggs there are the more targets the sperm has.
Shots don't bother me, its such a small needle, but I had myself so psyched up for the shot that I made myself sick, I literally had a stomach ache after I left the doctors office. But after about an hour I felt fine.

So, I go back to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound. to see how my follicles are growing, I will keep you updated!

One in Six

Did you know that?
That one out of every six couples is struggling with infertility.

That's a lot of people! Everyone thinks that having kids is so easy, and whenever you want it to happen it will happen.
I'm here to tell you that you have to be proactive in what you want in life. We didn't choose this road, but we are and will continue to be stronger people because of it. I sometimes don't know where I get the strength, but it comes. I get out of bed every morning and think this is the month. I continue to go to the doctor and research everything I can on my own and push through this, because its temporary.

I do however have my moments, I cry and think WHY!!! But I also know that I am on this path for a reason. Not only have I grown as a person, it has brought John and I closer together and we will be better parents and better people because of this journey.

I can see my life so clearly. I see the holidays and birthday parties, and the family times. I see myself being pregnant, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, and giving birth. Just thinking about all those moments brings tears to my eyes and take my breath away.

I know I am not the only one feeling what I feel and going though what I am going through, although it certainly feels like it.
Its others that can understand and stand in my shoes that help me the most and give me the most comfort, my only hope is that I make others feel the same.