IUI #2 Yet another failure!

Tonight my period started, yes 2 days early again, at least I do not have to worry about getting a negative beta result, I would rather deal with it at home, then getting the bad news at work.
I feel so bad for John, this is so hard on him. I do not even know what to say to him, as I am sure that he doesn't know what to say to me. I have no words right now, just unansweared questions, and unansweared prayers. I want to know why this is happeneing to us, and what I am going to have to do to get pregnant. I feel like I have lost the ability to feel joy. Every month the same hopes and optimism and then every month the same disappointment, I feel like why even think it could happen? I hate that every thought that I have is consumed by thoughts of pregnancy, and fertility, and having a baby. What happened to the other things that I used to think about? I feel like everything in my life is just a distraction. I am seriously thinking of going to see a therapist, or a infertility support group, I need to do some research on those. I need to deal with this better. My anger is going to eat my alive if I don't learn to deal.