Infertility Myth #7

THE EQUALITY MYTH
“My husband is hurting as badly as I am, but he just doesn’t show it.”

For the first year that we were trying after the miscarriage- I think John was really casual about the entire sitation he just kept saying it would happen and to calm down. I was the crazy nutcase who was obsessed with getting pregnant, I really have to admit that for the first year I feel like John and I were on two different pages, he wanted freedom and I wanted a baby. I now can honestly say we are on the same page. When the one year mark had hit and we were not pregnant, I think something clicked with him, maybe it was his age or maybe it was just his biological clock ticking louder, maybe it was all friends having babies, but all of a sudden he was much more open to hearing what I had to say about getting pregnant. Espcially the past few months the infertility is hitting him really hard. As much as I hate to see him upset and hurting, it makes me feel better knowing that I am not on this rollar coaster alone. Once we decided together that we would do whatever it took to have a baby things started to get better, yes we are still upset when things don't go our way, but knowing that we can push forward and eventually we will win this battle with infertility helps me sleep a little better.

Now there is some scientific evidence to suggest that husbands and wives do not necessarily face infertility with the same degree of anxiousness and pain. In one study, 50 percent of the women surveyed said that their infertility was the greatest burden they ever had to bear. Only ten percent of the men responded in the same way. Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney has suggested that, while infertility may be deeply frustrating and hurtful for men, infertility can be a “vicious torment” for a woman. Of course, no two couples will experience infertility in the same way. Countless husbands and wives feel a deep sense of loss and emptiness because of infertility.

The most important thing is to talk to your partner, sometimes you have to yell, scream and cry. Going through all the emotions is part of getting through this process. Just knowing you have eachother will get you through this tough time, and in time you will endure, as a couple!

Myths #10

There are 10 top myths about infertility, so I am here to blow them out of the water!

1. THE ELIJAH MYTH: You find yourself asking, “Why am I the only one facing this?
Why is everyone else a ‘fertile Myrtle’?”
I do not know how many times I have asked myself this, yes outloud!

The Elijah Complex is common among believers who suffer from infertility. Elijah was a faithful servant of God, but discouragement blinded him from realizing that he was not alone. The Bible paints a descriptive portrait of Elijah complaining to God, “I am the only one left...” God had to pointedly remind Elijah that He had 7,000 other faithful servants in Israel; he was not alone (1 Kings 19:14-18 NIV). Sometimes God needs to remind us that we are not alone!

I have asked God so many times "why this is happening to us" and I have thought so many times that I am only one dealing with infertility. I am the only one of our friends left that has not had kids. That is a very lonely feeling. I have found solace in online message boards, as well as support groups, such as our local RESOLVE chaper. To find your local RESOLVE chapter visit, www.RESOLVE.org, they are an organization that helps couples deal with infertility. Looking into church groups is also helpful, talk to your pastor and see if they are able to introduce you to another couple in your church who is dealing with infertility. Talking to others who are going through what you are will help realize that you are not alone, and you are not crazy. All the feelings that I thought were wrong and crazy were actually normal.

The most important thing to remember is that you are NOT alone, currently there are five to ten million American couples who are facing infertility. To put it another way, approximately one in six couples will face an infertility challenge in their married life.