IUI #1 we are a go for launch!

I had my day 3 appt today with our fertility specialist. I had my blood drawn, yet again! I swear they are vampires over there! No, the blood really doesn't bother me, I have had so much drawn, one tube is nothing! I also had an ultrasound, which shows how my follicles are growing so they can see how my eggs are developing. Everything looked good and I was told to start my injections of Follistim. Follistim is an overpriced drug (and I am not kidding, its way expensive) that causes your body to make more follicles, therefore producing more eggs. So the more eggs there are the more targets the sperm has.
Shots don't bother me, its such a small needle, but I had myself so psyched up for the shot that I made myself sick, I literally had a stomach ache after I left the doctors office. But after about an hour I felt fine.

So, I go back to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound. to see how my follicles are growing, I will keep you updated!

Infertility Awareness Week

This week is all about awareness. I feel that is why I was chosen to have to go through this journey. To help others understand and be aware. I would encourage all women to get to your doctor and talk to them about your ability to have children, even if you aren't ready. A simple blood test can show your ovarian reserve and give you some insight to your fertility.

We live in a society where women are putting off having children either because they are going to school, or taking their time getting married. Gone are the days where women are married by 20 years old and having children when they are 22. The average age that a woman gets married is increasing every year.

Hollywood is also painting an incorrect picture of what its like to have children older. Many actresses have made no secret that they have had their children in their 40's. While this is great, and woman should be able to have their family at any age, but many have endured many fertility treatments, such as IVF and some have even used donor eggs. Some actresses have been very open and honest about their fertility struggles, such as Marcia Cross and Courtney Cox Arquette, but others have decided to stay quiet and women get the wrong idea, thinking I have all the time in the world to have children.

So be proactive and take control of your fertility, you will be glad that you did!

Its all about the Sperm!

Our official diagnosis is male infertility, due to low morphology. Now if you didn't understand a word in that sentence I will explain.

Men have a biological clock, just like women, only their ticks a little slower, but can still create problems. The easiest thing to check and normally one of the first things to do when dealing with the inability to get pregnant is to have a semen analysis done on the male. All of the women's test are very invasive and can be painful, where a semen analysis is very easy for the male to do and is not invasive at all.

There are 4 things that are tested in a semen analysis:
Volume- Should be at least 2 ml
Sperm Count- Should be at least 20 million per ml
Motility- Should be greater then 50%
Morphology- Should be greater the 14%, but anything over 4% is considered decent (Kruger scale) if testing on a WHO scale it should be greater then 30%

There are 2 scales with morphology, Kruger is stricter and is used by fertility specialist, WHO is used by most basic labs. I really suggest the Kruger scale, because it will give you a better test, but it just depends on your lab and what type of doctor ordered the test.

There is a lot of debate about morphology, as to how much effect it has on male fertility, and its a heavily debated issue in the world of fertility.

My husband has been diagnosed with having low morphology, so we are told that his sperm cannot penetrate my egg and fertilize it. Well, that does create a problem, if the egg cannot be fertilized then I cannot get pregnant. It all makes sense. But the good thing is that he has sperm and they are good swimmers.

We were told that IVF with ICSI ( intracytoplasmic sperm injection) was our best option, because it allows the lab to take the sperm and directly inject into my egg, therefore taking our sperm problem out of the equation. The fertilized egg will then be put into my uterus and hopefully implant, and then I am pregnant! We were told if we going to have a problem, this was a good problem to have, because it can be solved very easily. IVF with ICSI is very common, it gives the best results.

So if you having problems getting pregnant have your husband or partner get a semen analysis, it may give you insight as to what the problem is.

Our road to parenthood

I thought I should give a little insight to how I got to where I am in my fertility journey. So here is our journey:

August 2006- Married, decided to wait a few months to have kids
December 2006- Threw away the Birth Control pills
January 2007- Surprise BFP (big fat positive)
February 2007- Miscarriage
April 2007- Started trying naturally again
September 2007- Saw my OBGYN, expressed my disappointment that we were not pregnant- HSG ordered for me and Seman Analysis ordered for my husband.
After seman analysis came back questionable referred to a urologist and a fertility specialist
Met with urologist- he told my husband that nothing was wrong, told him to order special vitamins to help with sperm health, and said come back if you aren't pregnant in a year.
I met with fertility specialist (RE) and was told that IVF was our best option, because of our sperm issues. Doctor said lets retest sperm in 3 months
January 2008- Sperm Analysis repeated- it showed some improvement- told IVF was still our best option. Doctor moving into a new office, we are on hold until spring. Decide to take Clomid and try some timed intercourse.
March 2008- 2 rounds of Clomid and Timed Intercourse failed- still waiting until doctor is in her new office
April 2008- Doctor moved into new office, repeat seman analysis- told IVF is best option- we decide to go ahead with IVF in the Fall- due to us moving in the summer.
June 2008- Get moved into new house, find out my new insurance covers 6 IUI's at 100%- starting September 1st.
Decide to try a few IUI's because we have nothing to loose with our insurance paying for them.
September 2008- IUI #1 postponed due to ovarian cyst
October 2008- waiting to start IUI #1- found out that April 2009 we have IVF coverage, YEAH!! Will still move forward with the IUI's in the meantime, hopefully we won't need IVF.

So that's our journey, its been a lot of waiting! I am so sick and tired of waiting!

My beef with Insurance companies

I have done a lot of research on insurance companies and what they cover and what they do not. Some of the major carriers, Aetna, United Health Care, and Cigna do offer some fertility benefits. Some even cover In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and Inter Uterine Insemination (IUI) as well as the drugs that go with them. It just depends on what policy your company chooses to offer for its employees.

I am very lucky to have coverage for 6 IUI's under my insurance, and my husbands company policy covers IVF, but that does not go into effect for a few more months. So I am very happy to have some coverage.

It really bothers me that insurance companies will pay for, birth control and abortion, but they will not pay for fertility coverage. We didn't choose this road, I didn't choose to not be able to have children the old fashion way. Infertility is a medically documented problem and should be treated as such.

My suggest for everyone is to talk to you Human Resource dept and get information on all the policies that are available to you. Ask if they cover fertility treatments or diagnostics. HMO policies are usually the plans that have fertility coverage, but be informed, ask a lot of questions and get the insurance plan that is right for you.

Lost so much respect for someone!

I was with a friend on mine yesterday, now not a good friend, but a friend. She and her husband have been married for over ten years. They are in their late 30's, have good jobs, and a lovely home. We were talking about my IF issues, and I was telling her how happy I was that I was not invited to another friends baby shower, I am good at buying gifts and sending my congratulations, but being there in person is really hard for me.

So, anyways I asked her why her and her husband never had kids. Where they not able to, or was it just not something they wanted. She answered that they never wanted kids, and are both too selfish to have kids.

That's fine, I am not here to judge anyone, if you don't want kids, that's fine, I am just happy that she is with someone who feels the same way. So I continued to ask her, what do they use for birth control, because they are still both in child bearing years.
I was thinking she would say that her husband had a vasectomy, or she had her tubes tied, but she said they used condoms!

Again, not here to pass judgement, but CONDOMS! You are married for goodness sake. If I told my husband he had to wear a condom he would say, why the heck did I get married?!

I acted kinda shocked, but I said well that's good (I mean what do you say to that) but she continued to tell me, that they had decided that if she ever got pregnant that she would just have an abortion.

Now, again I really mean this, I am not passing judgement on anyone and what you choose to do with your life is your business. But I was absolutely appalled!

First off, why would you tell me this, I'm a friend who she knows is struggling to get pregnant. Do you really think I would want to hear about abortion. Secondly, here are two people who are able to care for a child, both financially and emotionally, how could you abort your spouses child!?

I turned to her and said, "if that ever happens please don't tell me about it!"

Seriously! I was so upset for the rest of the day, how could she say that, and to me of all people! I lost so much respect for her, because I really feel like she was not even thinking of my feelings in that conversation or her comments, and I cannot have people like that in my life!

Lots of questions!

I think the worst think about this road to parenthood is all the waiting. I feel like we have been waiting all year long. Its October and we are still waiting! Now I am waiting for my period to show up. Its like, all the months that I wished that my period would stay away, I actually want it to show up so we can get this party started!

Its really been a rough week, I'm tired, not feeling so hot and dealing with some other personal issues.

Infertility really takes a toll on you, emotionally, financially, and mentally. Sometimes I feel like John and I are totally on the same page, and other times I feel like we are on opposite sides of the earth. Not so much with having a baby, because there is no doubt in my mind that he wants to be a dad as much as I want to be mom, and we are both willing to go the distance to be parents. But being stressed out because of fertility issues, spills over into a lot of other life issues.

Everyday things that may not cause issues in most people's lives I feel like they are blown out of proportion because of how much stress we have. I hate it! I just want to have a baby, and be a mom. I really don't think that I am asking to much. Isn't that what we are here for, to breed and create more life to live on after us? I used to say I wanted 2 kids, but now I would be happy with one, just ONE! I have so many questions, that are unanswered, and its all the uncertainly in my life right now that I hate.

Living in an Fertile world

Dealing with infertility is hard enough, the doctors appts, the shots, the waiting, and the disappointment. But when you have to get through it all while sharing everyone else's happy pregnancy news, its makes it even harder. Since starting down the road to parenthood, I have know, 25 (yes 25) people that have had kids. That's 25 congratulations, when you don't really mean it, and 25 moments of wishing it was me.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy for others, but its just such a sad time for me that its really hard not to be jealous. I am literally the only one left, everyone else is either pregnant or has had their baby. I actually have friends that are lapping me, and that are pregnant with baby #2! I even have friends that are 10 years older then me getting pregnant.
Now, explain to me how this happens!

Every time I turn on the TV there is that stupid commerical for the FREAKING Clear Blue Easy digital pregnancy test, every store, restaurant, and office I go into has baby stuff, and there are babies everywhere!
Even on the news stand, I cannot pick up an US Weekly, People, or In Touch without seeing "Hollywood Bump Watch" or " Who's due next" I literally want to slit my wrists. When did the entire world start having babies?!
I just want to curl up in bed and wake up when I am pregnant. Getting through everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a battle for me, I just keep thinking one day at a time, that's all I can do!