Happy Anniversary! Wedding that is!

Today is mine and John's anniversary, four years ago we were getting married. It's amazing to think that four years have gone by in the blink of an eye. This is the first year that I feel good about celebrating a year of marriage. First off infertility takes a toll on a marriage, so to have made it through four years of that is something to celebrate! Marriage is hard enough, add infertility on top of that and you have a lot to deal with, but John and I have managed to get through it, with some fights, tears, and hugs along the way. Now that we have our beautiful little girl we can look back and say it was all worth it, and I don't think either one of us would change the path of the last four years. It has brought us to where were are now and we are both better people for having traveled that road together.

I was thinking today about where I was on this day four years ago, it's about 4pm so I was getting ready to start our pictures with our photographer. I was laughing with my mom, oh how I miss her and can't wait to see her soon, and thinking I never thought this day would get here, but it did, and all the days since then have flown by. I have to remember to take in each day and remember that I will never get to do it again, my baby will not be a baby forever, so I have to cherish every moment with her and our moments as a family.

Where Did You Go Liitle One?

Where did you go little one?
We had a picture of your start. So, we knew you were there?
Where did you go?
Mommy figured out you would be here April 15 next year.
Where did you go?
The door was open to your very own room.
Where did did you?
There is a house full of love waiting for you.
Where did you go?
We wondered what you would be. Boy or girl? We didn't care which.
Where did you go?
Mommy and Daddy can't bare to be without.
Please stay. Please don't go.

25 Random things about me:

To help you get to know me a little better and having done this on Facebook here you go:

1. I live in Las Vegas, and no I do not live on the strip, work on the strip, or even go there that much. We really do have normal houses and lives here in sin city.

2. I hate pushing the buttons at the gas station at the pay at the pump, the germs freak me out.

3. I have a serious obsession with purses and sunglasses, from Coach to Dior and Chanel I have a problem. Thank goodness its a easy gift for my husband to buy me, its a one shop deal.

4. I grew up in a small town in Ohio, was in 4-H, had horses, shoveled manure, and wouldn't change a thing about that.

5. I could not live without my Blackberry and debit card. Those are must haves when leaving the house.

6. I have a tanning addiction- I must go- now not to the point where I always look like I got back from Cancun, but I like to have a little color at all times.

7. I am a neat freak about my car- it must be clean inside and out.

8. I have OCD about leaving my curling iron plugged in- I check it about a dozen times before leaving the house and I call my husband at least once a week to have him check before he leaves for work, and yes its an automatic shut off one- so I really don't know why I worry about it.

9. Becoming a mom is the most important thing to me right now, and I will not let anyone or anything stand in my way.

10. Target is my weakness- I cannot walk out of there without buying something.

11. I met my husband on the Match.com.

12. I have never tried mustard or ketchup and do no intend to ever try it.

13. I am obsessed with the color pink, my engagement ring is even pink. I know I better have a girl! HAHA

14. I refuse to use bar soap, it must be liquid soap

15. I love tennis, used to play all the time, and definitely need to get back into it.

16. Obsessed with Sex and the City- I can recite pretty much the entire show- fall asleep to it every night, I have every season on DVD and I am a total Charlotte.

17. I would not consider myself patient- although infertility has taught me patience in a way I never thought I could understand.

18. Infertility has brought out not nice traits in me, I hate that. But I have learned a lot about myself.

19. I shave everything, everyday! I hate stubble, okay well not my head, but you get the idea.

20. I have OCD about dusting and vacuuming- I do it a lot.

21. I have a serious issue with post its- I love them and they are everywhere all over my office.

22. I am always early, NEVER late, and lateness drives me nuts!

23. I love going out to eat, I don't mind cooking, but just would prefer to go out- I think the food tastes better!

24. Love dogs, hate cats, hate snakes even more.

25. I try to be tough, but really I am not, its all a front!

Inspirational Quote Of Hope January 28, 2009

"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."- Allan K. Chalmers

Inspirational Quote of Hope January 18, 2008

"Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment."- Napoleon I

Inspirational Quote Of Hope January 8, 2009

"There is no friendship, no love, like that of a mother for her child."- Henry Ward Beecher

Thoughts from 08 and hopes for 09

As we get ready to celebrate 2009 I have to think about all the things about 08 that I am grateful for. Looking back I tend to think about all the bad things from 08 and the good things seem to blend into the background.

Things I am grateful for from 2008:
1. My wonderful husband- dealing with infertility has brought us closer together.
2. My wonderful family- I have great parents, my mom has been there for me in all my tears throughout the past year. I have a great and supportive mother in law and two sister in laws, as well as fun and loving nieces and nephews, as well as my great nieces and nephews. Oh how I am loving watch them grow up, Autumn (who is 9) amazes me every time I see her.
3. Holding my nieces son, Neves, one hour after he was born, watching her go through her pregnancy was hard for me, but I had nothing by tears of joy when I held him.
4. Our beautiful new home, we finally have room to grow and entertain- and we were able to rent our other home quickly.
5. Wonderful vacations, we went to Mexico and Universal Studios and had a blast!
6. Watching our business continue to grow slowly but surely, its taught me a lot.
7. This may sound strange, but in a way I am grateful for having to struggle with infertility (though I was gladly get off this train) but it has taught me patience, faith, and made me realize what it truly important in life.
8. Still being employed, with health insurance (that covers some infertility treatments) being able to buy food without thinking about it, being able to treat myself to a new shirt or new pair of shoes. Having a new car that I love that is dependable and safe. I used to get upset because I couldn't buy a $500 pair of shoes that I wanted, but now I am just grateful that I can buy the $50 pair of shoes.
9. Our wonderful doctors, Dr. Littman and Dr. Roth- who have become very special to me- they do everything in their power to help us achieve our dream of becoming parents. I am also grateful that we have the medical advances available to help battle infertility.

So I though I would take a minute to reflect on the years past and my hopes for the new year. I hate the word resolution, because it sets you up to fail, so I try to think about it as goals for 09. The most important thing about abouts goals is that they are attainable and that you set a time limit that you will achieve your goal.

Goals for 09:
1. Eat healthier and work out more- walk the dog, do cardio 2 times per week
2. Get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby
3. Continue to grow our business
4. Continue to do well at my job
5. Spend more time with family, I need to plan a trip to see my parents
6. Vacation more (may be put on hold if pregnant) but try to take advantage of some great dream trips with World Ventures.
7. Continue to love John and make our relationship even stronger
8. Learning to accept life as it comes, not looking to far into the future

Overall 08 has been a growing and learning year for me, I feel like I am learning something new everyday, my patience and my faith has been tested and I am learning how to deal with that. I will keep my faith in God that our lives will be blessed with a baby and many other wonderful experiences.

Cheers to a happy and healthy new year! I will you all great success and prosperity in 2009!

Inspiratonal Quote Of Hope December 22, 2008

"Faith is love taking the form of aspiration."- William Ellery Channing

Feeling better today

Today I went back to work, and I felt better, being busy helped me. I feel very hopeful I have my follow up appt next Monday with Dr. L to discuss my lap surgery, I hope its not too painful, I have heard that the recovery is fairly easy.

John and I had a good conversation last night, about the what ifs in our life right now. Its really hard but we have to stick together. We have said time and time again that we will do whatever it takes to have a baby, and I truly do believe that. I am going to the adoption orientation in January, I am excited to hear about other options and maybe getting started in the process of forming our family.

John and I have our moments, and boy when we fight we fight, but in the end we do really love each other, and that's really what's all about. We have a beautiful home full of stuff, and I think we are both realizing that this stuff doesn't mean anything if we don't have a family to raise in our home. Somehow someway we will have a child, I hope its sooner rather then later, but I can be patient and wait for God's plan, because this really is all in his hands.

Other Couples Going Through What We Are.

I just read on article on MSN from Redbook on there marriage makeover series about a couple going through infertility and the strain it has put on their marriage. The article discussed the roller coaster they have been on for the past 5 years. So many of the same things we have been going through like 4 failed attempts at IVF, which we have only done IUI. The IUI has now failed twice for us. The article also discusses how their romance has evaporated and become scheduled wham bam thank you ma'am sessions. I find it interesting how every ones story seems to be the same and almost living our same life.

Although, the article discussed how it was putting a strain on their marriage I don't feel like that is happening to us. Shannon and I have had our moments brought on by the stress and worry of the whole ordeal, but now I feel it is making our marriage stronger. I stopped by Shannon's work today. She was busy and I had to wait for her. While I was waiting I was thinking how much I love her and how much she loves me to go through all we have had will have to go through. Whatever happens I know our love will continue to grow more and more and that one day, one way, we will have a child.

You can read the article about the couple at:
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=14163246&GT1=32023

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 23, 2008

"When you put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world."- Zig Ziglar

Darling Husband

This is my response to my husbands post.



Two years ago we got married and decided that we would wait a few months to start a family. That wait has been a little longer then I think we both had hoped for and anticipated. Every month I wish, hope and pray that this is it, that we can finally celebrate something and every month I am disappointed. I am so sorry that I have been unable to give you what you desire most, a baby. I will endure whatever is necessary to fulfil our dream of parenthood, because in the end it will all be worth it.



I wonder why this is happening to us, what did I do to deserve this punishment? I know that this is making us a stronger couple and bringing us closer together, so if there is any good that will come out of this that will be it. Thank you for your continued support, you are my rock, my shoulder to cry on and my best friend. We will get through this and when we look back we will laugh and it will seem like nothing.


Families are made up in all different ways, I do not know where our baby is coming from or when they will be here, but they will be here, they will spend Christmas's with us, go to Disneyland with us, and be loved unconditionally, as I love you unconditionally.

If I have to be on this roller coaster of a ride, I would not want to be on it with anyone else. I love you with all my heart!