Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Onto Cycle #2

Well, the first Clomid cycle didnt work so we have moved onto Clomid cycle #2. So yet more doctors appointments. If anyone had told me it was this hard to have a baby I would have laughed at them! All the money I spent on birth control pills, WASTED!

What infertility has done to me I do not think I could ever explain, unless you have gone through it, its a feeling that you wish on no one! I truly believe I have become a stronger person because of this struggle, however I keep thinking my heart cannot handle another disappointment. Every cycle gone by and every month of not having a baby it breaks my heart. I watch other people with the kids and I know that will be us one day, I just do not know when. Every month I get the Pottery Barn kids catalog, and every month I admire all the cute crib bedding, I swear I have the nursery designed in my head, but every month it gets a little harder to look through that catalog.

I cannot even bring myself to look at baby stuff anymore, trips to Target have gotten more difficult. I cannot make the dreaded trip to Babies R Us, thank god for online ordering.

I know when I finally get to hold my precious baby in my arms this will have all been worth it. But right at this momemt my heart is broken. I try so hard to look forward to each cycle with optimisism and excitment, but it gets harder and harder.