Sunday, November 30, 2008

All the Things We Go Through Facing Infertiltiy...

This video describes so much how Shannon and I feel and the things we go through on a daily basis. Everybody we know who is experiencing the same issue of infertility seems to have the same feelings and emotional ups and downs like we do. I pray one day no one will ever have to go through what we have had to endure ever. I know there are a lot of people going through some hard times right now and we pray for them as well, but for us at the moment this is our hard time.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 30, 2008

"Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."- English Proverb

Caffeine- is it effecting your fertility?

Now, I am a devot caffeine drinker- I am addicted to diet soda and I love coffee- but I have done some research on the effects of caffeine and our fertility and this what I have found:

One study showed that women who ingested 300 mg. of caffeine per day or more had a 27% lower chance of conceiving than those who had no caffeine. But other studies have suggested little or no correlation between caffeine and fertility. So there is really no concrete evidence that shows that caffeine equals infertility. However
to be on safe side, if you're trying to get pregnant, it's probably wise to cut back on the caffeine. Most experts agree that moderate amounts of caffeine — less than 300 mg. a day — don't appear to affect a woman's fertility. Becaue remember when you are pregnant you have to limit your caffeine, so why not start early.

A great alternative is to switch to caffeine free soda- or start drinking Perrier water- it still has the fizz like soda. Also those new fruit drink, Izze's are great, they are 70% fruit juice and again have some fizz to them, but no caffeine. So think ahead and be healthy, why take any risks!?

IUI success rates

Since we have been going through the IUI process I thought I would share the numbers side of it and answer the much asked question, just how effective is IUI?

For a couple with unexplained infertility, and the female is less then 35 years of age, and they have been trying to conceive for 2 years, with normal sperm- here are the numbers:

8% chance per month of conceiving and delivering with IUI- this is using Clomid as a drug to stimulate the ovaries.
10%- 30% chance per month of conceiving and delivering with injectable FSH medication (Follistim, Gonal F)

This is directly related to the number of mature follicles. Now using injectables will increase the number of follicles, for the best chance of success at least 3 mature follicles is the goal. The more follicles, the more eggs, therefore more targets for the sperm, therefore a better chance of conception.

I have done Clomid, and I had 2 mature follicles, with Follistim I have had 4 one cycle and 5 on another, so the injectable medication is definitely more powerful, my suggestion go for the injectables, its your best shot!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 29, 2008

"Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does thinking."- Richard Buckminster Fuller

Friday, November 28, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 28, 2008

"Faith is different for proof; the later is human, the former is a gift from God."- Blaise Pascal

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

May everyone have a blessed holiday. Let's all remember what we are thankful for.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 26, 2008

"Faith is putting all year eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch."- Ramona C. Carroll

With Sperm Like That...Who Needs Infertiliy?

Well, folks. Shannon and I had another go at IUI. Once again my semen analysis was FANTASTIC. The little guys were swimming like Michael Phelps. What a difference things have been since I had my first semen analysis and started taken ProXeed. The stuff really works.

I really hope this time is it. Although, I always think this is it. I will always remain positive and not give up until we are pregnant. My biggest thing right now is seeing Shannon in such discomfort. I think she is a trooper. She thinks she is a baby, but I love her for going through all this. I know it will all be worth it someday. Thank you sweetie!

Folks please pray for us. Finding out we are pregnant would be the best Christmas present would could ask for this year.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 25, 2008

"Faith is permitting ourselves to be seized by the things we do not see." Martin Luther

Monday, November 24, 2008

IUI #2 is a go!

Well, I had my last ultrasound today and I have 4 perfect follicles. Again our doctor is like, oh god here we go with 4, but she is very happy with my progress. So I will trigger tonight with the HSG shot and then the IUI is scheduled for Wednesday morning, then I will be on the couch for the rest of the day!

So hoping and praying this works!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 24, 2008

"Keep your faith alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe."- Gail Devers

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Almost time for IUI #2

I go tomorrow for what I hope is my last ultrasound, hopefully all my follicles will be ready to go and I can trigger tomorrow night and our IUI will be on Wednesday. I am so ready for this to be the winning one! We had dinner with our friends last night, the wife is pregnant and due in like a month. It was so hard! They had asked us to meet them at their house, becasue they wanted to show us the finished nursery. Thank god John said, no we will just meet you at the restaurant. But the husband was still showing us pictures. I know he's proud of his work, he did a great job with the painting, but come on, you know we are struggling to have kids, WHY would you do that. Its like grinding salt into the wounds. I just kept saying, its really cute, I mean what else was I going to say? John and I both feel that they stole our nursery idea, pink and brown, and thats why they are making a big deal about it. Oh well, there are lots of pink and brown nursery's, it a very popular color sceme right now. I dont care about that, but its like, yes you did a good job, now SHUT UP!!!

When The Rain Comes...Tears Will One Day Be of Joy Rather Than Disappointment

This video of a couples Infertility Journey caught my eye and my heart. We know exactly what they are going through, as well as, every other couple facing infertility. Like Kellie Coffey's video for "I Would Die For That" it is full of facts regarding infertilty. I know one day the tears of disappoint we have been experiencing will one day be tears of joy.

Putting Feelings Into A Song...I Would Die For That.

In Kellie Coffey's song "I Would Die For That" she describes the feeling of not being able to have children and the pain of infertility. The song sums how Shannon and I feel exactly. Why do people get pregnant when they don't want to be? Why is it so much easier for others? Why do people have abortions when so many people want to have children and can't? The video is full of facts that infertile couples go through and experience on a daily basis. I have found we all keep asking ourselves the same question...Why?

You Have Stolen My Heart Star Wars Style

Hi, folks, John here. Shannon's new favorite song and new phrase has grown on me tremendously. I am a Star Wars Geek and leave it me it have to post the video for this in Star Wars format. I have joked with her many times on naming our kids Anakin or Padme or if we have twins Luke and Leia. Luke is a keeper for both of us, but I guess I am not going to win with the other names. Oh well, I will take just a or no name. Having a baby is what's important to me the most now.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 23, 2008

"When you put faith, hope and love together, you can raise positive kids in a negative world."- Zig Ziglar

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 22, 2008

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."- Helen Keller

Friday, November 21, 2008

Well in the spirit of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's new little bundle of joy being born on Thursday, being named Bronx, which is a very different name, I discovered this website, Its fabulous it has a great database of names and it has very different lists, stuff like:
1. Names of children most likely headed to Harvard (yes our favorite baby name was on there!)
2. Yuppie names (yes our favorite name was on there!)
3. If you love (insert trendy name) you will also love
4. Classic names that are trendier then you would think

Its really a fresh take on baby names, and the way they are listed is very cool, I was addicted to the site in like 2 seconds. So log on and check out your favorite names!

John and I like the majority of the same names, so that's good, at least we don't argue over naming our children. But we like very classic names. I like trendy names, but I refuse to have my kids in school, and attendance is being taken and they get to Ava, Madison, Aiden, and Max and every kid has their hand in the air. I also do not want my kid to be 40 years old and have a name that sounds babyish. I mean I would like my kids to be successful, and can you really be successful with a name like, Heaven or Princess? I mean get real! I know they sound cute now, but are they really cute when the kid grows up. We need to think about what this name is going to look like on a wedding invitation, on a door plaque and on a business card. Would you go to do a doctor with a name like Princess? Or would you hire an attorney with a name like Zuma? I wouldn't!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 21, 2008

"Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts."- Ruth Gordon

Thursday, November 20, 2008

You have stolen my heart!

My new favorite song, I cant wait to play this for our baby. I am totally putting this in the nursery, "You have stolen my heart" little one!

Love always,

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart
Invitation only, grant farewells
Crush the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart
You have stolen my heart
And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart
I watch you spin around in the highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel
You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

Runaway follicle!

Today I went back to have another ultrasound- and I have 4 follicles growing strong. But if you remember I have 5 2 days ago, so I guess one got scared and ran away! No, that happens sometimes, it may have just not been mature, or it was not developing right. The doctor said it may catch up and reappear when I go back on Monday. So I have another ultrasound on Monday and hopefully the IUI on Wednesday, right before my Thanksgiving. My little turkey baby! How I would love to get pregnant on the most wonderful day of the year. I love Thanksgiving, and I am really trying to be thankful for everything I do have in my life, but to have a little one next Thanksgiving would be the best thing ever!

I want to take a minute to send out congratulations to my fellow nestie, Rachel, she gave birth to her son on Saturday! He is happy and healthy. This is one girl that has been through the ringer. They have had two failed adoptions and finally did it with IVF, it only took then 22 cycles! I am so happy for her and her husband. She sent out a video showing her son's birth, we were all in tears! Welcome to the world baby Brighton!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 20, 2008

"Faith is like radar that sees through the fog."- Corrie Ten Boom

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Back to the doctors tomorrow

Tomorrow I go back to the doctor to find out how I am progressing and find out when our IUI will be. I am so hoping it will be Saturday or Sunday- that would make things so much easier for me.

I feel fine, no symptoms- Follistim is easy, the shots don't hurt and there are so weird side effects. I hope I don't have the awful cramps again, those were scary, they were so out of the blue.
But, if this works I dont care what I have to go through. Please work please work please work, thats all I keep saying over and over and my head. I should actually change that to , this will work, this will work!

Well, its been a long day, actually about a 14 hour day, so I am going to relax, and go to bed soon!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 19, 2008

"To me faith means not worrying." John Dewey

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Follicle Check today

Today I went to have my first ultrasound and I have 5 follicles again! I cannot believe how well my body responds to the Follistim.
I would absolutely love to have twins, after everything we have been through it would be such a blessing, however I refuse to be greedy so one would be just as much as a blessing.

We are a little more then a week away from Thanksgiving, I love this time of year. When its not hot, but its still nice out. Its the jeans and sweater weather I call it. I still have the sunroof open in the car and its so nice. I am trying so hard to be thankful for what I have. A beautiful home, a great family, a husband who would do anything for me, but in ways I feel so empty, I want to celebrate the holidays with our children.

So its hard to spend time with our family who all have children, because we are the odd duck out, the childless ones! But I will get through it.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 18, 2008

"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent."- Jean Kerr

Monday, November 17, 2008

Will this ever end?

I don't think I have ever wanted something to end so bad in my life. I hate this struggle, I just want to have a baby, just one. People have them everyday and they are conceived everyday. Why do I have to enlist the help of 2 doctors and lots of drugs and procedures just to do what comes naturally to others?
I hate that I do not know when this journey will end, its all the uncertainty that drives me crazy. I hate that I could potentially have IVF insurance coverage in a few months, but then on the flip side, John could get laid off and then we don't have it. Its like can't they please just wait until May to lay him off? It could be 6 days, or 6 months with these lay offs. No one knows, so everyday we just wait, every day is one day closer to getting the insurance that we need.

I have been doing so much research on companies that cover IVF, my next plan is to start applying at those companies. I would leave my nice office job with a personal assistant and go work at McDonald's if it meant I could have IVF coverage. That is so sad! Here I am a college graduate and I would give up a career to go flip burgers at a greasy fast food restaurant.
Damn insurance companies, why can't they all just pay for IVF! Why can you have a baby if you have enough money. That is not right!

IVF scares the crap out of me, I refuse to do it if we have to pay for it ourselves. The stress and pressure of it having to work that one time is too great. I do not think I could handle it if it didn't work. Its a 50/50 shot, at least with adoption you will get a baby eventually.

So tomorrow is another day, another day that I have to look at everyone else's babies, at other pregnant women's bellies and think about why not me? I pray every day for God to please bring us our baby. I just want to close this chapter of my life. I am tired of worrying about it, of researching it, and dealing with not being able to have kids, that is my biggest fear. I just want to scream. I want that ball in the back of my throat to go away. I want to stop crying tears of sadness. Off to bed, at least I don't have to think when I am asleep. Its the one time of peace that I have in my life.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 17, 2008

"When the world says. "Give up," hope whispers, "Try it one more time."- Anonymous

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 16, 2008

"A leader is a dealer in hope." Napoleon Bonaparte

My sperm have been swimming like Michael Phelps

Hi folks, John again. I had to talk about the vast improve of my sperm quality recently. Although, our last IUI attempt failed, my sperm were swimming like champs. There have been a couple of infertility supplements I have been taking over the past year that I feel have vastly improved my sperm quality. Those being Proxeed and Pycnogenol.

ProXeed is a lemon flavored powder that can be taken in a juice or other cold beverage. ProXeed is taken twice daily. Once in the morning and once at night. Since sperm take 74 days to mature and up to an additional 20 days to be capable of fertilization Proxeed should be taken for at least six months. Although, positive results can be achieved in as little as three months. ProXeed has been proven to increase sperm health, including increased sperm mobility, count, speed, and concentration. To order ProXeed visit or call 1-888-PROXEED (776-9333).

Pycnogenol, which is pronounced (pick-nah-geh-nol), is powerful antioxidant and is being studied as a treatment for many free radical related disorders. Including Alzheimer's, cancer, macular degeneration, glaucoma, and senility.

The newest supplement I just started taking is Fertility Blend for Men and can be found at your nearest GNC. It's a scientifically validated herbal/nutritional blend that enhances fertility health. L-Carntine is an amino acid that has been shown to help produce healthy active sperm. Ferulic acid, an antioxidant found in Dong quai, has been shown to help sperm quality. The antioxidant, vitamin C and E, green tea, and selenium, support overall reproductive health, Zinc and B vitamins (B6, B12, and folate) help maintain proper male hormone metabolism, sperm formation and motility.

Any guys out there with sperm issues I definitely recommend taken these supplements. I am anxiously waiting our next IUI and expecting these improved results to continue.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Darling Husband

This is my response to my husbands post.

Two years ago we got married and decided that we would wait a few months to start a family. That wait has been a little longer then I think we both had hoped for and anticipated. Every month I wish, hope and pray that this is it, that we can finally celebrate something and every month I am disappointed. I am so sorry that I have been unable to give you what you desire most, a baby. I will endure whatever is necessary to fulfil our dream of parenthood, because in the end it will all be worth it.

I wonder why this is happening to us, what did I do to deserve this punishment? I know that this is making us a stronger couple and bringing us closer together, so if there is any good that will come out of this that will be it. Thank you for your continued support, you are my rock, my shoulder to cry on and my best friend. We will get through this and when we look back we will laugh and it will seem like nothing.

Families are made up in all different ways, I do not know where our baby is coming from or when they will be here, but they will be here, they will spend Christmas's with us, go to Disneyland with us, and be loved unconditionally, as I love you unconditionally.

If I have to be on this roller coaster of a ride, I would not want to be on it with anyone else. I love you with all my heart!

Survived Baby Shower

Today was a friend's baby shower, and I survived, no tears! It was okay, I knew another girl there so we talked most of the time. It was hard to sit here and hear my friend talk about the nursery and decorating and all that stuff. Not to mention that her nursery is the same colors as I had planned on doing, Pink and Brown. Her shower was even pink and brown themed. So that a little much.
Just a note, I will still do Pink and Brown or Blue and Brown, our nursery is already painted chocolate brown. I know it doesn't matter, but it still kind of bothers me. I am sure there are lots of pink or blue and brown nurseries in the world, but now its going to look like I am copying her, when that is not that case.
I am glad its over, I think I am done with showers for a while, and I think I am done with everyone having babies, I am the only one left, so its got to me next!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 15, 2008

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them." Louisa May Alcott

Friday, November 14, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 14, 2008

"Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier."- Anonymous

Thursday, November 13, 2008

IUI #2 is a go!

Today I had my day 3 visit with Dr. L. Everything looks good, no cysts! So we are onto IUI #2, I start the Follistim tomorrow, 1o0 units this time.
YEAH! At least we can try again. I know in the fertility world 1 failed IUI is nothing, and I know they do not usually work on the first try, so I am again optimistic that this will work!

I have to go to a baby shower on Saturday, yuck! I am dreading it, I am going to go a little late and try to miss all the baby games. I used to love baby showers, now they are my biggest fear. At least we got her a cute gift, I would buy the same one for our baby.

I found the best quote today, I wish more people would understand how I feel about baby things:
"I don't mean to rain on your parade, but I don't have to march in it either!"

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 13, 2008

"To eat bread without hope is still slowly to starve to death." - Pearl S Buck

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Science- the Shannon way!

The Shettles Method, is a method that is supposed to help you determine the sex of your baby. Now, there is a lot in the news about gender selection, and whether you believe in it or not the Shettles method is very interesting. It helps you determine the gender of your child based on when you have sex. It states that male sperm does not live as long as female sperm. So having sex prior to ovulation can help you conceive a female, and having sex closer to ovulation will raise your chances of conceiving a boy. So pretty much the female sperm are heartier and can live longer and hang out and wait for the egg to be released, while the male sperm do not live as long and will die off the longer that they are waiting for the egg.

Now when I first heard of this I though this is dumb and there is no way this is correct, but then I started thinking about how many friends that I had that have baby boys, and then I think about how popular the ovulation kits have become, and it makes seance. The ovulation kits tell you when you are about to ovulate, therefore causing couples to have sex closer to ovulation therefore increasing the chances of having a boy. Its the Shettles Method being used, but we do not realize that we are using it.

So I put together a list to test my theory, because the way I see it the babies that are "planned", as in the couple was trying to conceive and wanted to get the timing right for intercourse should be boys, where the "accidents" or not planned babies should be girls, because sex was more random. Here are my results. I have used my friends as my test subjects. The babies that were conceived using ovulation predictor kits (OPK) I have noted.

Couple A: Baby #1 planned- Boy (OPK)
Couple B: Baby #1 not planned- Girl Baby #2 planned- Boy (OPK)
Couple C: Baby #1 planned- Boy Baby #2 not planned- Girl
Couple D: Baby #1 not planned- Girl Baby #2 planned- Boy
Couple E: Baby #1 not planned- Girl Baby #2 planned- Boy
Couple F: Baby #1 planned- Boy (OPK)
Couple G: Baby #1 planned- Boy (OPK)

So there you have it, that's my proof that there is some truth to the Shettles Method- there are lots of books on the method available at your local Barnes and Noble or Borders.
I am all for what God gives you is what you get, and we have been waiting so long that I would take either, I am not picky. But it is interesting to know how are bodies work and the inter working of conception. Best of Luck!

Hopes, Thanks, and Prayers

Hi folks, John here. Another month and still not pregnant. I am guy and guys normally don't admit to this, but I do cry. I have cried so much lately. I don't think I've cried so much in my life. I really don't know where all the tears are coming from. I am just so disappointed. But I have everlasting hope and faith that God will allow us to have what a hearts truly desire...a baby.

I want to take a moment and thank my wife for riding this roller coaster with me. For all the doctor visits, shots, medication, and heartbreak she has had to endure. This one ride, unlike our favorite Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland, isn't all that fun. But I will continue to ride this up and down crazy ride with you as long as it takes. Until the empty room in our house, which is patiently waiting, is filled with what we are longing for. I love you!

I also pray for Dr's Eva Littman and Sharon Roth. Who do everything in their medical power to help us reach our goal. I also pray for everyone who is going through the same thing we are. Your day will one day come too. I pray that one day all insurances will pay for infertility treatments and more medical break throughs will help couples who truly want to be parents one day become them.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 12, 2008

"Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles."- Samuel Smiles

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Not Pregnant!

Well, today my period started! Yes 2 days early, I didn't even make it to beta day. Well, at least I know and we can move onto IUI #2. We are upset, we both had a crying fits. I know we will do whatever it takes, and that is a comforting thought, however I just want to off this roller coaster, and walk with a stroller!

I just want to go to bed now, I will feel better in the morning, its a new day!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 11, 2008

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."- Albert Einstein

Monday, November 10, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 10, 2008

"While there's life, there's hope."- Ancient Roman Saying

Sunday, November 9, 2008


Today is 10 days past our IUI and I feel nothing! I don't feel even a tad pregnant. I have had cramps on and off the past few days, which can be a good sign (implantation), but other then that NOTHING! I had a mental breakdown the past 2 mornings, the tears just cant stop coming. I hate this, I want to experience what everyone gets to experience. I am sick of hearing, oh its not the right time, or it will happen just relax!

Patience has never been my strong suit, so I guess I should not expect this to be any different. I want to be pregnant NOW! not later. I keep trying to figure out why this is happening to us, the only reason I can come up with is that this is making us a stronger family and I learning to be patient, and live life in God's time.

I love my life and John and I have so much love to give a baby, and I know one day we will have that opportunity. I am so lucky to have a supportive husband that wants this as bad as I do.

I know its early, and I do not go for my blood test for another 5 days, but the waiting it just as bad!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 9, 2008

"Were it not for hope the heart would break."- Scottish Proverb

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Beautiful Boy/Girl (Darling Boy/Girl)

Although, Shannon is normally the one doing the blogging I thought I would jump in here for a moment. I song came to my mind the other day, Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) by John Lennon. John Lennon wrote this song when his son Sean was born. It talks about the experiences of fatherhood and the very experiences I look forward to one day have happen to me. The song was written for a boy, but I have heard a girl version as well. I am going to post the lyrics in both boy and girl fashion since I do not know what we will one day be having yet. I look forward to one day sharing and singing this song with our child.

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monsters gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Everyday in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait
To see you come of age
But I guess well both have to be patient
cause it's a long way to go
A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go
But in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl
Beautiful Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy/girl

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Everyday in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, boy/girl
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful Luke/Claire

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 8, 2008

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man."- Rabindranath Tagore

Friday, November 7, 2008

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 6, 2008

"Hope is one of those things in life that you cannot do without." - LeRoy Douglas

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


Today has been a long day. At least just minimal cramping this afternoon. I didn't even get home until almost 10PM!

I am kinda tired, I thinking I am heading to bed here soon. I found out today a girl I work with is pregnant with twins. I am happy for her, she has a son, and her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant again for 4 years. But part of me is still jealous!

Is that little twinge of jealously going to go away? I hope so, I keep thinking the answer will be when I am pregnant, I will all of a sudden be happy again with everything in my life. Unlike know where I cringe every time someone says "guess what!" because its always followed by "I'm pregnant" or someone else is pregnant that I know.

I do not want to feel this way, but I cannot help it. I look at parents in stores and think, what did I do differently that makes me not able to pregnant, and they are able to? I would be just as good of a mom as them. I am constantly comparing myself to others that are moms. Thinking if they can do it I can certainly do it.

I am an opinionated person in most all avenues of life, but especially when it comes to children. I have certain things that I feel should be done when dealing with children, and when I find out a parent did something that I do not agree with I immediately think they are a bad parent, or think I would do it better.
I know there is more then one way to do something, and there are different styles of parenting and I should not judge people for their style of parenting or their parental choices, or should I say lack there of parental choices.

Its just that I know John and I will be such good parents, and we have so much to offer a child. Maybe now I am just more appreciative of children, because it has been a struggle for me. Its almost like I feel I will appreciate my kids more and be a better mom because I had to struggle to have them.

I know its wrong to judge others and what they do is none of my business, but when I see parents making bad choices that can harm their children it breaks my heart. Those kids don't know any better they are babies, and they deserve to be loved and cared for.

I guess all this will end when I have my own children and I can parent them how I see fit. Then maybe everyone will think I am crazy! who knows!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 5, 2008

"We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes." John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Its my blog and I can cry if I want to!

Well, tonight our nation made a decision, and I cannot say that I agree with it. I will not lie, I proudly voted for McCain/Palin. I love them, I feel McCain encompasses everything a president should be, experienced, knowledgeable, and patriotic, and Palin, I cannot say enough about her. I LOVE her, I want to have lunch with her. I feel she is a normal hockey mom that everyone can relate to.

Obama needs to seriously look up patriotism in the dictionary, because he does not know the meaning of the word. He refused to wear the flag pin, he wants to change our national anthem, because he feels the phrase "bombs bursting in air" is to war like. He took the flag off his campaign plane, he threw away flags at the convention, and he will not put his hand over his heart when the pledge or the national anthem is being said or recited and he wants to change what the flag looks like. I mean we are a heartbeat away from his face being on our money and pledging allegiance to Obama while looking at some new design of the flag.

Hes all about changing health care, well guess what, here is the opportunity to make fertility coverage mandatory in all states!
I am NOT for giving health care to every Sam, Dick and Jane off the street. You want health insurance, GET A JOB and pay for it. That is not my responsibility to pay for some illegals or unemployed bum's health insurance, and its not the job of the government!

In my job, I work for a Personal Injury Law Firm, I get call after call of people crying that they are injured, and yes some of them really are hurt, but some are out to make money. I always get "I don't have health insurance" then when I ask them what kind of car they were driving, its always a 2008 BMW, Mercedes, or Lexus.
HELLO!! you don't have health insurance, but you are driving a brand new $60,000 car- now where are your priorities! Ill tell you what, get a cheaper car and pay for your own health insurance.

Obama is all about helping the middle class, and making more jobs so people can work for someone else for the rest of their lives.
Well, what ever happened to owning your own business and working for yourself! I don't want someone telling me what to do for ever. Crap, I don't even want that now. I want to depend on myself, not my employer or my government to take care of me.

My husband and I own 2 small business, and we are both working to build a customer base so we can have financial freedom, from the rat race. I WILL NOT work for someone else all my life, I will work for myself and Obama is all about helping people, why not teach people to help themselves, let them create small business's which will in turn create more jobs, those small business will need employees eventually. I will not have my employer tell me, that I get 8 weeks off for maternity leave. Screw that! I will take as much time as I want and I will work for myself while I am off at home raising my children. Not sending my kids to day care, so I can make someone else money.

People are scared in these economic times, and they are herding, running and looking for change. Stop running with the heard! Look around, take control of YOUR life and change it yourself, don't look to your friends, family, or your government.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 4, 2008

"All human wisdom is summed up in two words-wait and hope."- Alexander Dumas

Monday, November 3, 2008

The cramps are back...

Them darn cramps are back. I thought they were past me. So tonight is going to be short, but sweet. It's off to bed for me.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 3,2008

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope."- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

3 days past IUI

Today is day 2 of the pineapple smoothies! I know its way to early to know anything, but I am getting really nervous. I really want this to work, because I am so ready to move on with my life and stop dealing with trying to get pregnant. I am ready to be pregnant and plan to be a mom. There are stages in life, dating, engagement, planning a wedding, getting married. It all moves forward, but I have been stuck on the trying to get pregnant square for long enough. I feel like I am playing a board game and my turn keeps getting skipped. STOP SKIPPING ME!! I want to roll the dice and move on.

I feel great, the cramps have finally gone away, and I do not have to take Tylenol anymore, so I am happy for that. I am still a little bloated, but nothing I cannot handle.

I am so excited tonight is the season finale of Army Wives and Desperate Housewives is on! Tomorrow is the season finale of Dr. 90210, yes this all makes me happy!

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 2, 2008

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and and achieves the impossible."- anonymous

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Rough morning!

I woke up this morning about 5:30 AM in the worst pain ever! I had the worst stomach cramps ever. I really thought I was dying! I woke John up and asked him to get me some Tylenol, which helped temporarily, but then about 20 minutes later the cramps started again. It literally felt like I was being sawed in half.

I went through 2 more episodes of cramping until the finally stopped and I was able to go back to sleep. I was so close to having John take me to the ER.

I started my pineapple smoothies today, they are pretty good, I bought the mix at the grocery store and you blend with fresh pineapple, water, and ice. They say Pineapple from day 2-7 after ovulation, it aids with implantation.

Inspirational Quote of Hope November 1, 2008

"Never deprive someone of may be all they have." anonymous