I had an apifiny today!

I was talking to my friend and co worker- today is her grandson's 5th birthday and she was saying how the sun rises and sets in his eyes, and she is so serious! She is so in love with her first grandson Tyler its adorable. Now, Tyler has a brother Gavin and he is almost 3 years old. I asked her if she loved Tyler more- and she said yes and no. She said he will always be her first grandchild and that holds a special place in her heart. Now let me say that she reminds me so much of my mother- it's almost scary. And that's when it hit me! I now realize why my step sister having a baby before me bothers me.
First off my mom and I are super duper close, like almost too close! Now I am an only child, but I have 2 step sisters. One of my step sister's is not married and she is not close with my mom at all. My other step sister lives in NC (which is about 3 hours from my mom) and she is pregnant with twins. Now she is close with my mom, not as close I am, but still somewhat close. And it bothers me that my mom will have her children first and grandchildren and they will be so close to her.
Now my step sister is very close with her mother, who lives in Florida, so I know that those babies will be much closer to my step sisters mother then to my mother. But in a way I am mad that my sister is making my mom a grandmother before me, its the ITS MY MOMMY and I want to make her a grandma first.

I know that my step sister is not blood related to my mother, and I am her baby, per say- but still it's hard. I think also the fact that my step sister is close to my mother and I am 3000 miles away is hard. I hope that I can make my mom a grandma soon, becasue she will be such a great grandma. I think part of why I want to be a mom so bad is because I have such a great one, and all the love that I have to give needs to go somewhere.

So this was my realization today, it all makes sence now. I explained this to my friend who said she agreed with me, but not to worry to much, she said once the babies come, both my sisters and mine we will just all seem like one big happy family. I know my mom has enough love to go around, she has a big heart!