Insurance Companies can suck it!

I was having a conversation with a girl the other day who was asking if she could talk to her human resources department about changing their insurance plan to cover fertility treatments. I told her to go for it- the worse they can say is no, right? After doing a little research we found out that 91% of employers offering infertility treatment have not experienced an increase in their medical costs as a result of providing this coverage.

So to make a long story a little shorter- my friend spoke to her HR department and was told that fertility treatments are a "life choice" and not something that will be covered under their plan, because having children is your choice.

Well, needless to say when I heard this I was furious, a life choice? Are you kidding me- yea and I chose to be infertile and deal with this shit!

It really infuriates me that my insurance will pay:

1. To treat someone who has diabetes, and that has that diabetes from poor eating choices, or being obsess, or not working out- and pretty much making poor life choices.

2. For oxygen for someone who has emphysema because they smoke- or the chemotherapy needed to treat the lung cancer that they will get from smoking. Isn't that a decision to put that cancer stick in your mouth? It freaking says on the box, if you smoke this you will get cancer, HELLO!

Smoking is a choice, drinking is a choice, poor eating habits and failure to work out is a choice- being infertile is not a choice. Infertility is a medically documented illness- and should be treated as any other disease. If you are not going to treat infertility or pay for the procedure to help infertile couples conceive then you may as well diagnose someone with cancer, or diabetes and say "well, you need chemo" but we will not pay for it. It's the same thing that happened to me and my husband, oh you need IVF, because your sperm sucks, but we won't pay for it- so you need to pay $15,000 cash for your procedure.

This is all because having children is a choice. Insurance companies, human resources managers, and politicians could not be more wrong. So until insurance companies tell those smokers with lung cancer and emphysema to come up with the money to pay for their chemo and their lung transplants us infertiles will continue to fight for equal insurance rights.

For more information on infertility and insurance companies visit resolve.org

Its National Infertility Awareness week! Did you know that 1 in 7 couples will face infertility. Be aware and ask questions! Be your own advocate. For more information visit Resolve.org

200TH post! Sex Scheduling.

I can't believe we have hit 200 posts! How excited, so in the spirit I though I would spice it up a bit and talk about our favorite subject, SEX!

Now, as most of us know the frequency of sex drops after marriage, my husband always says that wedding cake is the anti sex drug! But its true, I think about how different our lives were when we were dating compared to our lives married. Now we have a house, a business, jobs, and other commitments. I have less time then when we were dating. I think its also a matter of taking each other for granted, I know he will be there tomorrow night, so whats the harm in pushing it off a night? Its bad and I am not proud, but sex does take a back seat to all the other commitments that come with marriage.

Now, throw dealing with infertility into the mix and talk about having no sex life!
Trying to have a baby without having any problems definitely leads to sex on a schedule, however when you have the added stress of infertility sex is even more on a schedule and when you get to a certain point in the infertility treatment you don't even have to have sex to get pregnant, it all happens in a doctors office with the help of a lab.

A lot of the fertility drugs cause a decrease in your sex drive, so taking the drugs that are necessary to get pregnant causes your sex drive to be almost non existent.

A study conducted at Duke University Medical Center, and presented at ASRM by Dr. Jennifer Norten, examined “sexual satisfaction and functioning in patients seeking infertility treatment.” Dr. Norten proved what many suspected, and in doing so validated our feelings. “The results of this study suggest that women undergoing infertility treatment experience significant changes in various aspects of sexual desire, arousal, orgasm, length of foreplay and frequency of intercourse.”

How can you feel sexually attractive when your body is full of hormones and bruised or sore from injections? You have to keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your partner, try and laugh about it, and when you feel up to it, try and make sex romantic.

John and I talk about and laugh about how we never have sex and when we do get pregnant John may not even be in the room. We know this is not how things are always going to be, but right now this is our reality, we want a baby more then anything and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it.

Now if you feel that sexuality or lack thereof is seriously jeopardizing your marriage, I urge you to seek seek help and support. Individual counseling and/or support groups help you realize you are not alone. Sometimes it’s nice to hear someone else sharing the same problems. That alone may be enough to get you through this trying time.

Remember this is temporary and we can do anything as long as it is temporary.

Myths #10

There are 10 top myths about infertility, so I am here to blow them out of the water!

1. THE ELIJAH MYTH: You find yourself asking, “Why am I the only one facing this?
Why is everyone else a ‘fertile Myrtle’?”
I do not know how many times I have asked myself this, yes outloud!

The Elijah Complex is common among believers who suffer from infertility. Elijah was a faithful servant of God, but discouragement blinded him from realizing that he was not alone. The Bible paints a descriptive portrait of Elijah complaining to God, “I am the only one left...” God had to pointedly remind Elijah that He had 7,000 other faithful servants in Israel; he was not alone (1 Kings 19:14-18 NIV). Sometimes God needs to remind us that we are not alone!

I have asked God so many times "why this is happening to us" and I have thought so many times that I am only one dealing with infertility. I am the only one of our friends left that has not had kids. That is a very lonely feeling. I have found solace in online message boards, as well as support groups, such as our local RESOLVE chaper. To find your local RESOLVE chapter visit, www.RESOLVE.org, they are an organization that helps couples deal with infertility. Looking into church groups is also helpful, talk to your pastor and see if they are able to introduce you to another couple in your church who is dealing with infertility. Talking to others who are going through what you are will help realize that you are not alone, and you are not crazy. All the feelings that I thought were wrong and crazy were actually normal.

The most important thing to remember is that you are NOT alone, currently there are five to ten million American couples who are facing infertility. To put it another way, approximately one in six couples will face an infertility challenge in their married life.

RESOLVE support group

Tonight I went to a RESOLVE support group, its a group that meets and talks about going through infertility. It was a great evening to talk to others about going through this roller coaster, it helps to know that you are not going through this alone. We discussed that some doctors are better then others for specific medical conditions. I love my doctor, but sometimes I feel that she is not as concerned with some of my issues and only focuses on the other issues. I have an autoimmune disorder as well as a clotting disorder and I feel that those are being over looked. So I may have a consult with another fertility specialist in town to see if changing some things can cause us to have a successful cycle. I did speak with my doctors office today and I told them that I want to have a lap to look for endo. I have an appt next week to discuss this with the doctor. I know I do not have any of the symptoms, but I do have a big one, INFERTILITY. So I want to know what is going on before we do any other treatments.