Do infertiles make better parents?

This is something that could possibly cause some drama in mommy world, but I do believe that people that have suffered through infertility and struggled to have children make better parents, because they want it more then other parents. I think that something happens to you when you really want something and you can't have it.

Research shows that families created with the help of fertility treatment compare favorably with families that conceived without treatment, especially after the first 12 months. There is some research that infertility patients are more anxious during pregnancy and their child’s first year of life, but the anxiety usually passes after that. Parents that conceive through IVF tend to be more protective of their children; more child focused; and show greater warmth towards their children. These studies have been small, but this supports what I see in real life.

Parents who chose to adopt rather than stay in infertility treatment also make great parents. Studies show that adoptive parents invest more time and financial resources in their children than biological parents and “evidence a high level of strength in terms of warmth, communication, discipline, and cohesion.” Researchers speculate that “One of the reasons adoptive parents invest more is that they really want children, and they go to extraordinary means to have them.” Amen to that.

I have to admit that I worry about the effect of over protectiveness on kids, but I think our entire generation of parents is over protective, not just parents that conceived or adopted after years of trying. I don’t think we have a good grasp on how to weigh relative risks. We are overly worried about low chance risks such as stranger abduction; as a result we micromanage our kids’ lives because we are afraid to let them out of our sight. The older my kids get the more I believe that children need to learn certain lessons from failure and falling and figuring things out on their own. But that is the subject of a different blog.

Parents that have had to struggle to become parents sometimes have a hard time giving themselves permission to have the normal feelings of frustration that comes along with parenting. They may feel let down after all the years of anticipation. They may think they don’t have the right to complain about being tired, or wishing for a day to themselves, or craving time to wash their hair and shave their legs. But fortunately, these feeling also usually pass with time. Most parents of two year olds and teens feel pretty darn entitled to their frustration, regardless how they got their kids.

Infertility can affect the quality of parenting in two ways. Infertility treatment results in a disproportionately large number of multiple births, and much research supports that parenting twins and triplets is much more stressful on parents. Also, subsequent attempts at infertility treatment for a second child can add significant stress on parents. Of course we are all familiar with the John and Kate plus 8 situation- they wanted just "one more" and ended up with 6- talk about stress to a family!!

I seem to be drawn to people who have struggled to create their families, and I have no doubt that their kids are the most loved in the world. I know my child is certainly one of the most loved kids in the world, mostly because of the trail of tears, prayers, and struggles that it took to get her.

God only gives you what you can handle.

Tonight I watched a show on TLC titled "Quintuplet Surprise" and it was about Casey and Ethan Jones from Austin, TX that had 5 babies in January of 2009.

The story was great, they had gone through IUI using donor sperm, because the husband had very low sperm counts. This family had it all, a beautiful little 4 year old girl, an absolutely beautiful home, tropical vacations every year, and great careers. Then they had quints- and their lives changed forever. The husband kept saying that everyone tells them that their children were such a blessing, to which he said "who prayers to have 5 babies at one time?" Yes the quints are a blessing, but their life would never be the same.

The husband was a home builder and when the economy tanked so did his business- they had to sell their big beautiful home and move into a smaller home and money was a constant worry, so was keeping all 5 kids in diapers. They figured if all 5 could be potty trained by age 2 it would save them over $20,000 a year just in diapers!!

I began to think about my own life while watching this show- I used to pray for twins, or even triplets- you have to consider these options when going through fertility treatments. I just wanted to get pregnant, I didn't care with how many.

Now that I watch this show I really have a new appreciation for that saying "God does not give you more then you can handle" There would have been no way I could have handled more then one baby at a time, mentally or financially (especially with the economy taking a crap).

Our little monkey is just an angel- she is a good sleeper and a good eater- and I just have to stop and think this is what I was meant to deal with. I really believe that this was God's plan for me all along- because he knew what I could handle. John and I have such a schedule with monkey- our lives are not any different, expect that we take her with us, and we are doing just great.

My life is so rich and full right now, and it's all happening when it was meant to happen, I truly believe for the first time in my life that I am where I am meant to be and with the people I am meant to be with.

Giving advice in Target?!!

The other day I was at Target with the baby in the baby section and a pregnant lady comes up to me and says " do you know anything about these baby tubs?" and then I went into consumer report mode.

I started giving reviews of the baby bath tub. I had to tell her that I was not a fan of the bath tubs with slings and that I really liked the the Fisher Price Whale Tub- it's what I use and I have used it since our baby was 4 weeks old, so it's perfect even when the babies are small- and it grows with the baby.

I also told her it's a good price at under $25, when most of the other tubs are over $30.

She was so grateful for my help, she said that there is so much baby stuff out there and she had no clue and it was so nice to get a opinion from someone else.

I started thinking I love to shop, and I love to figure out the best product. So I am thinking is this my new career, doing baby reviews and helping moms to be shop for their little bundle of joy? Kinda like a baby planner?

HMMMM something to think about!

Did the Rancic's IVF work?!

If you watched The View last week you heard that Guiliana and Bill Rancic were doing IVF, now on the show they said they were starting IVF "next week" well as we know in show business nothing is as it seems. That View episode was taped, so little did we know that Guiliana has been in Chicago going through IVF, and not in LA, has anyone noticed her missing from E lately?!

I heard through the grapevine, or otherwise known as The Nest that the Rancic's IVF was successful and Guiliana is pregnant. I heard this from a nestie who had dinner with family friends of the Rancic's. Now, is this true or just a rumor, we will have to wait and find out!

The View Talks Infertility With Bill and Guiliana Rancic

This past week The View did a special show all about infertility, and much to my surprise I thought it was great. The ladies started by talking about their own expediences, Sherri Shepard went through IVF to have her son, and Barbara Walters had 3 miscarriages before adopting her daughter, and of course Elisabeth stated that she couldn't get pregnant until she gave up Gluten, due to undiagnosed Celiac Disease- she now has three kids- I do not think she was infertile, EVER, but that is another discussion.

Then they brought out a fertility specialist, who gave the basic facts on when to seek help from a specialist, honestly that part was kind of boring, but then came out Bill and Guiliana Rancic, who I LOVE, and they talked about their inability to conceive, and that they are getting ready to start IVF next week. I really love their honesty about their journey. Guiliana got a lot of crap from Whoopi for not wanting to gain five pounds. Now I understand that five pounds is not a big deal, but for someone, like Guiliana, who works in the public eye and has to fit into sample size clothing, it's hard. But I do see their point, if you want kids- you do whatever it takes to have them!

Then came the statement that most people were very upset about, at least on the infertility boards that I frequent. Guiliana was talking about how celebs do not talk about doing IVF or using donor eggs, because of the stigma that goes a long with it, then Joy Behar says "because when you use donor eggs, they are not your kids" and Bill agreed with her. Now, people it does not take a rocket scientist to know that using donor eggs will equal the child not being biologically yours, so yes Joy and Bill are correct, but believe me that baby is yours. My daughter did not come from my DNA, but she is mine in every sense of the word. So I really do not understand what the big deal is about Bill saying what we all know is true!

They closed out the show with having several different couples talk about their journey to have children. The first two couples were still in the process, the one couple was this cute young couple that were dealing with male infertility, and had done several unsuccessful IVF's, they were really nice- my heart went out to them. The other lady was a divorced woman who was 47 who was still trying to have a baby, now I gotta say- lady you are pushing 50- adopt already, IVF just is not going to work- you are too old. I know that is harsh, but come on 47? That is just crazy!!! Adopt and have your family and move on with your life- she had been trying to have a baby for 7 years!!

The last couple was a couple who had an baby boy from IVF and he was just so stinking cute! Watching this show brought back a lot of feelings for me, I never want to be at that place in my life again. But I am so happy to see that infertility is getting the attention it deserves so people can make educated decisions about their fertility.

Adventures in Parenting

It's been a crazy 4 weeks with monkey in the house- but it's been wonderful!
We sleep in four hour increments and fall asleep before 9pm every night, but we enjoy every minute of it. Monkey is doing great, and I will report back on Friday with her stats from her pediatrician appointment.

We take her everywhere with us, everything from dinner to the grocery store. She loves her swing and she LOVES her boppy pillow, she especially likes to lay on her boppy and watch the ceiling fan. She also loves her tummy time on her boppy- I think she will be a tummy sleeper as soon as she can roll, which will make mommy very nervous!!

She loves her baths, as long as you keep her warm, which I successfully do by keeping a warm wash cloth on her tummy while in the tub. She also needs to have warm towel and warm jammies after her bath- pretty much put them in the dryer while she is in the bath, and have daddy bring them in after the bath. She also has to have the water running during the bath to relax her, and use warm lotion after the bath. Yes, I know she is a princess already!!

So that is an update on our little monkey- I will keep everyone updated, tomorrow is her 2 month birthday- wow, she is growing so fast!!

Sickness at our house!

We have had our first official baby sickness in our house. Poor little thing has been so congested for about 3 days. After much research I discovered baby nose drops called Little Noses- they come in a saline version and a decongestant version. Since our little one is so young there is not much I can give her. I have used the saline drops for the last 2 days and she does seem to be getting better- I am also using Vicks baby chest rub, to help break up and chest congestion that she may have.

We have also been putting her in the bathroom when we take hot showers, to use the steam to help with her congestion. I feel so bad for her, because there is nothing I can do for her. Last night I just had to laugh because I changed her diaper and found that she had severe diarrhea and had to change her sleeper, then not 5 minutes later she threw up all over the new sleeper and I had to change her again! I guess this is what parenthood is all about!

Have all our prayers been answered?

Two weeks ago I went to the foster/adoption association meeting, while I was there I starting talking to a woman who asked me if I would be interested in a one month old baby girl, whose foster parents could not keep her due to some personal family issues, she gave me the phone number to the social worker that was working the case and told me to call her.

The next day I called the caseworker and left a message- and for 2 days I did not get a call back, but only by the grace of God I got a call 48 hours later on Friday from the case worker saying the baby girl was still available and could I pick her up that day, I just said yes! I didn't even call my husband and ask him. After a few phone calls we decided that we would pick her up on Monday February 1st.

That weekend we spent getting ready for the baby- we were both so excited. On Monday we picked her up and we were instantly in LOVE. We have had our little monkey for a week now, she is 6 weeks and 4 days old and is growing like a weed. She gets me up every few hours, but I love it.

She is perfect. She was meant to be a part of our family, now I just pray and pray that she stays forever!