Fast Facts about Adoption

I will get more in depth about adoption- but I am going to start with just a few quick facts.

- One in ten Americans has either been adopted, been a birth parent to an adopted child, or an adoptive parent.

- Most adoptions today are "open" or "semi-open," which means that birth parents and adoptive parents share personal information with each other, either directly or through an agency. Anonymous or "closed" adoptions have become increasingly rare.

- The first step for someone who is pregnant and thinking of giving their child up for adoption- if she doesn't already know someone who wants to adopt the child--is to contact a state agency and talk to a lawyer about filing the necessary papers. And the baby's biological father has to sign consent forms.

-Sometimes it's not until adoptees hit their teen years that they "find out." Learning that your parents aren't your birth parents after all can be confusing and even upsetting.

-Adoption has been around for a long time. It's mentioned in the Bible, and was not uncommon among the ancient Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and Babylonians.

A New Path

I thought I would finally come out of the closet, we have decided to pursue adoption, and it feels so good. John and I started talking about adoption about a year ago, but really did not start getting serious until the last few months. After our second IVF failed we decided that being parents was more important than me actually being pregnant. We are pursing adoption through the county, and we will have to be foster parents first. The biggest reason is that the child has to be in your custody for six months before an adoption can be finalized.

We are about half way through our classes that we need to take- they are 3 hours every Saturday, and are actually really fun, we are learning a lot. We have also met some really nice couples, some who have been through the fertility roller coaster, This is where our social worker comes and meets with us at our home. She also inspects our home and tells us things that we can do to make it safer for children.

So that is what is new in our life, we are really excited our new path to parenthood. We will be finished with class right before Christmas, and hopefully fully licensed soon after the first of the year.

The Right to Choose?

After all these months of trying to conceive without success I have gotten very upset about the entire thing- so recently I started thinking about why am I so mad? If you asked me 5 years ago about having kids- I would have said that was the farthest thing from my mind. But there is something about getting married that changes all that. The first thing that changed for me was that I was with someone who I could actually see myself having kids with, and he wanted kids too, he will be such a good dad!
The second part is that we are taught by society that it's what we are supposed to do, get married and have kids.

If someone asks me why I want to have kids, I really don't have an answer- is it because that is what we are supposed to do or is it because I really want kids? But wait- we have gone through hell and high water to have a baby- am I serious that I don't know why I want to have a baby? No WAY!? So what all this has been for nothing?

Well no, that is not exactly true- when it comes down to it- I just really want to be fertile- I want to be able to choose to have a baby. When you are dealing with infertility that choice is taken away from you, and you have no control over it. Going through fertility treatments is a way to take back some of that control. Fertiles have the choice of when or even if to have a baby- I don't have that choice and that is what is so frustrating.

Now, just so you understand I want to be a mom more then anything- I have told myself that I will do whatever it takes to be a mom, actually there isn't anything I wouldn't do if I knew it would result in a baby. But it's interesting to look at the motivation- it's about choice.

Pregnant with 2 babies, but wait they aren't twins!

Imagine Todd and Julia Grovenburg’s surprise when doctors found not one, but two babies on Julia’s ultrasound – and then told the parents the babies weren’t twins,

Doctors think Julia and Todd conceived baby girl Jillian first, and two-and-a-half weeks later conceived baby boy Hudson, according to statements from KFSM-TV in Ft. Smith-Fayetteville, Ark.

Jillian and Hudson have different due dates, and this rare development is called superfetation – when a mother conceives another child while pregnant.

“It does really sound like this is a true case of different conception times for these children,” said Dr. Karen Boyle of the Greater Baltimore Medical Center. “When the woman had her ultrasound initially, they saw one sack, one baby developing, and that baby had a certain gestational age; then they noticed a second heartbeat in a child that was much, much younger developmentally.”

Dr. Boyle told ABC News she has only heard of 10 reported cases of superfetation.

However, superfetation cannot be absolutely determined until after the babies are born, and doctors are able to conduct chromosomal and metabolic tests on the babies.

Follow up about Jewelyn

With the recent death of our dear "nestie" I have done some research on her cause of death. It's amazing how in the year 2009 women can still die in childbirth, isn't that something that happened back in the medieval times, not now, at least that's what I thought. Jewelyn died from a Amniotic Fluid Embolism and Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation (AFES) which is a catastrophic condition that occurs during pregnancy or shortly after delivery. Suspected risk factors have included tumultuous labor, trauma, multiparity, increased gestational age, and increased maternal age. However, many patients who develop amniotic fluid embolism have no obvious risk factors and unfortunately there is not a lot that can be done.

The paypal account that was listed in the post below is still accepting donations, but if you have any diaper or formula coupons to send please forward those to:

The Jewelyn Okamoto Memorial Fund
P.O. Box 235971
Encinitas, CA 92023-5971

Anything that is not used will be donated to the Liz Logelin foundation, which is a great foundation that was created by Matt Logelin after the death of his wife last March. I will discuss this foundation more in my next post.

Please if you can send some thoughts and prayers to the Okamoto family to help them get through this difficult time.

Tears for someone I never knew

Today I found out that a fellow "nestie" as I so affectionately call them passed away during childbirth. Her name was Jewelyn and she and her husband Phillip were so excited on the birth of their first child, a girl. Jewelyn went into labor on Saturday and ended up needing an emergency c-section. She then suffered from an Amniotic Fluid Embolism and Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation. She passed away on Sunday at 11:30 am PST.

Jewelyn was a fellow nestie from California and was a frequent poster on many boards that I am part off. The Nest is a group of women who have always been there for me, we have planned our weddings together on The Knot and then all moved over to The Nest and discussed everything from husbands, family, jobs, and having children. The women on that board are some of the most wonderful caring people I have ever known.

Of course my nesties have amazed me once again and have already set up a fund for Jewelyn's husband Philip and baby Gabrielle. A PayPal account under the email address 4jewelyn@gmail.com has been set up. You can make a donation there. All proceeds will be donated to Philip Okamoto. I am sure any amount donated will be extremely helpful even if it's only a dollar. I have been informed that this money can be taxed so the girls are looking into setting up an official fund. I will update the blog with this information when I receive it.

This makes you stop and think how precious life is, hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight as we never know when our last day may be. My thoughts and prayers go out to Jewelyn's husband, and family, and especially her little girl. May God give you strength to get through this and bring you peace.

My take on the embryo situation.

First off, I have to say that my heart goes out to this couple. First to go through the pain of infertility and then to go through IVF to get pregnant only to find out it's not your biological child, I can only imagine the pain that she is going through. I give her a lot of credit for being able to carry a child for another couple, I don't know if I could do that. On the other hand, what a wonderful gift she is giving to another infertile couple, a child is a priceless gift.

I do have to question this IVF lab that made this mix up, having gone through 2 IVF's at 2 different clinics I will say that security is very high and over and over you are saying your name and the lab is verifying that they are giving you the correct embryo. I remember right before my embryo transfer the lab tech asked me my name and double checked it against the petri dish that contained my embryo. So it's a shame that this happened, however humans are still involved and humans make mistakes, although this is a big mistake. But I can assure people that this does not happen everyday- this is a rare isolated incident. But that does not stop the ignorant opinionated people from voicing their opinions.

I have been on two different websites that both were playing the same video of this couple and I could not believe the comments that people were making. These were some of my personal favorites;
"Serves them right, that's what you get for messing with God's plan"
"People who go to these lengths to have kids are selfish"
"So what you can't have a baby, get over it!"
"Why don't you just adopt"
"IVF should be illegal, this is God's way of saying survival of the fittest."

Honestly, I really do not even know where to start. The people who said these disgusting comments should really learn to keep their mouths shut. They obvioulsy know nothing about fertility treatments and I really hope that none of them have to endure the hell of infertility. First of all, IVF is not playing God- there is still alot that has to happen once the embryo is transferred back into the uterus- and I feel that is when God's plan takes over. Secondly, there is nothing selfish about wanting to have your own children, that is a basic human desire, that everyone should get to experience if they choose to. The next comment upsets me the most, "get over it" are you serious! That is the rudest thing you can say to someone. As for the adoption comment- yes adoption is a great alternative for people to build their family- but for some it's not right. Personally, I am totally up for adoption, but I will still pursue fertility treatments to have my own children. And last but not least- God is weeding us out by making 1 in 6 couples infertile, does that mean that if you get cancer you should die, because that is God's plan? HELL NO! My life is not dictated by infertility- it's a disease just like Cancer, Diabetes, or AIDS- it's not a bad person's disease- it just happens, and you get through it, and it makes you stronger.

I hate that there are so many ignorant people in the world who feel that it's their duty to put other down, I think the old school rule of if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all applies in this case.

Couple Gets the Wrong Embryo, But Still Wants to Have the Child.