Great, I have become "that" person!

By "that" I mean the person that everyone feels sorry for and is so afraid to say anything about babies or pregnancy. Okay, people lets get something straight yes it sucks that we have struggled with this journey of infertility and yes it feels like everyone in the world is pregnant but me, I think I have counted 25+ friends, and some of the are pregnant with baby #2, so it's defiantly not a happy situation for me. But, and here comes the but- this does not mean that I can crawl in a hole and come out when I am pregnant. I still have to survive and life day to day.

Not only are my friends "scared" to tell me when someone is pregnant but my family is now taking pity on me. I do not need pity, I need support and there is a difference. While I love my family for thinking of my feelings and not wanting to hurt me, the pity party is not fun either.

My step sister is 8 weeks pregnant with twins, conceived through Clomid- and I honestly could not be happier for her any my brother in law. They lost a baby boy last year at 18 weeks and they were devastated. I can not imagine going through that- they deserve nothing but happiness. But my mom tells me last weekend and then tells me not to tell my sister that I know, because she is going to tell me. Then my mom tells my sister that I know. So what was the point of that?

So tonight my sister calls and leave a message for my on my cell- and while it was very nice and genuine- I could hear the pity in her voice. Its the voice of the pregnant person talking to the infertile person. Now, my sister has been through her own battle with infertility- and has dealt with totally different circumstances, but its still the same in the end, things seem to change once infertiles get pregnant.

I hope that once I am pregnant that I do have pity on people that are dealing with infertility- I want to inspire people that you can beat this demon- you will be a family one day- you just don't know how it will happen, and you can never give up hope.

So I have officially become the person that everyone feels sorry for, I have very few friends left that I feel do not feel sorry for me, and are just supportive. It's so hard, because I wish I could share this journey with them, but it's also nice to just be with people and not talk about it, god knows it occupies enough my time.