Starting to feel more human!

Well, its been a rough week and a half- we have been dealing with our failed IVF cycle the past few days, and I am finally starting to feel more normal. Its been a rough few days, I have cried, been angry and be down right irrational. I actually had a moment a few days ago where I actually screamed "I want my babies back!"
I feel like I have lost so much. Not only did I loose a baby almost two years ago to a miscarriage, but I had 6 embryos that didn't make it in my uterus.

I know that I cannot go through life thinking about my embryos that didn't make it, but wow it really hurts to think that I had fertilized eggs in me and they didn't turn into a baby.

John and I have done some talking and we are going to make some changes with our baby making. But that will have to be it's own entry.

Its amazing it take so much time to go through the IVF process and only one day to shatter your dreams when the pregnancy test comes back negative. I feel like I have let everyone down- everyone knew about our IVF and everyone was thinking it was a done deal that we would get pregnant. So god help me our next IVF NO ONE is going to know- I do not want to tell anyone. I do not need the pressure of others. I know that people are just trying to be supportive, but its hard, because they don't know what this feels like.