My Dear eggs letter:

You have heard of a Dear John letter, well this is a twist on that- I call this my Dear Eggs letter.

Dear Little Eggies:

Thank you for growing the last week and coming out healthy and strong. Daddy and I love you so much already. We know that you are going to all fertilize and divide and grow to be rockstar embryos so we can put you back into my nice ware uterus for you to grow and thrive for 9 months. I know that you cannot wait to come home with us, but I need you to be strong and grow in the lab for the next 5 days, so snuggle into your petri dish for the time being, and in just a few days I will bring you home and never let you go.

Love you lots,
Mommy

Our new doctor!

Well after our failed first IVF, I decided that I was going to go see another doctor at another fertility clinic here in Las Vegas. After meeting with Dr. Fisch at SHER Institute I convinced John to switch doctors. As much as I love our old doctor, I just feel that we need a change. I felt like out IVF was rushed and I was put on to much of a common protocol and there was not enough thought that went into our cycle.

I think its human nature when something goes wrong to change something. After talking to the new doctor- he ordered some tests that I have never had. He also feels that I had a egg quality issue- so he is going to work to improve the quality of my eggs this go around. He is very confident that I can get pregnant with my own eggs, which is a relief to me, my biggest fear is donor eggs, just because its so freaking expensive. He said that my protocol with my old doctor was not all that bad, but there would be things that he would change. That made me happy, because my old doctor was not going to to change my stim protocol at all.

While I was talking to the doctor I was going through my last IVF cycle, and I really started to get mad, there was a lot that was done that I feel our old doctor dropped the ball. Our new doctor didn't understand why she didn't let our embryos grow out to day 5, just to see what would happen. He felt transferring all 6 was irresponsible, and I have to agree. I would not have been upset if we did not make it to transfer- I feel we would have had more info on the embryos if we had let them grow another two days, especially because they looked so bad on day 3.
He also feels that John should have been called in to do another semen sample when his sperm was dying. I also felt like why did they leave the sperm so long- if it was dying after an hour- why was it left for an hour?!

So we are cycling again! SCARY!! Not until the end of July- I am currently back on birth control pills- and I will start stims after the 4th of July. I have my appt with the IVF coordinator tomorrow- so hopefully I will get my protocol- I am interested to see what he changes with my protocol.
To read more about our new doctor visit www.haveababy.com.

Baseline = Starting Line

Ready. . . . Set. . . . Go. . . .

Today was the ever important baseline ultrasound and bloodwork and I am happy to report that I passed with flying colors. My ultrasound showed about 11 follicles and my lining was nice and thin, just the way they like it, and no cysts! My doctor said she is expecting around 12 eggs, which is average, and she said that I should be very happy about that. All my bloodwork looked great! They have to make sure that your estrogen is very low and that your body is absorbing the Lurpon so you don't ovulate until the doctor wants you to. So everything looked great, and my FSH was 3.5, that is the lowest it has ever been. So hopefully that means that my eggs will be great quality and make great embroyos. FSH is a basic bloodtest that is done on day 3 of a cycle and it is the first step in assessing ones fertility. Normally the lower the number the better, anything over 10 is usually a reason for concern.
One thing I have to remember is this is a marathon, slow and steady, not a sprint to the finish line.

I did have a mini break down on my way from the doctors office to my office, I was driving and all of a sudden the tears just started flowing. I do feel better after I cry, so that is the upside. Everyone tells me to be positve and optimistic, but it's a lot harder then it sounds. But I take their advice and put on a smiling face and block out the negative thoughts!

Here we go, we are so ready, this has been 2 1/2 years in the making!

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick to have twins!

So this was the news headline on People.com tonight and I have to admit I am super exicted for them. I absolutely LOVE Sarah Jessica Parker- partly because I am a huge Sex and the City fan, but becasue they seem like they are such real people and real parents. I also love that they came out and admitted that they are using a surrogate.

My personal favorite was the comments that people were making on people.com, stuff like "why don't they just adopt" or "why did she use a surrogate?" "is she too vain to get pregnant?" And my personal favorite, "I hope its their egg and sperm, otherwise it's not fair to the kid".
I seriously wanted to kill those people. First off, freaking be happy for them, they admitted that they have had trouble concieving since the birth of thier son, James Wilkie 6 years ago. Hello people she is 44 and he 47- getting pregnant at 44 is not an easy task! It has nothing to do with being too vain to carry her own child. GET REAL!!
I would be interested to know if they were SJP's eggs, just the fact that she is 44 her eggs cannot be in the best shape, if they are donor eggs, good for them, and if they are not good for them as well.

People have no idea what it takes to form a family, and they need to learn to keep their comments to themselves. These twin girls were concieved out of love, and lots of blood, sweat, and tears. Good for them! I just hope they use this as an opportunity to tell their story and encourage and inspire others!

I would be interested to know

How to manage a marriage

When John and I were engaged we went to a 10 week marriage class that was help at our church and it was great, we learned so much about each other, however it did come up that I had very unrealistic expectations of what marriage was. Our counselors told us that it was normal since I never been married before, but I needed to remember that marriage is work, and its not all sunshine and rainbows. Now almost 3 years after our wedding I totally agree with them. Marriage is not easy, you have to work at it. There is always going to be something that comes in in life that can complicate things. John and I have been lucky that we have not had to deal with any major life issue, no family deaths or sickness, no unemployment (knock on wood), no life threatening medical issues. All in all we are doing pretty good. However, infertility has been a big hurdle in our life, not so much in our marriage. I think the first year that we were trying John thought I was nuts he wanted to have a baby, but he was not in a big hurry. By the second year I think we were finally on the same page, he was ready and I was certainly ready. We pretty much had several all out fights and crying sessions over it, we both decided that we would do whatever it takes to have a child. I know so many couples that struggle with infertility and don't make it, either they break up after they have a child, which seems like such a waste, and others never make it to that point. Some break up because one wants a child and the other does not, some break up over infertility issues. It really is so important to talk about it and know where you partner stands on fertility treatments and to what extent you are willing to go. There can be a lot of ethical issues and personal morals that are tested when you start talking about IVF, donor eggs, donor sperm, or adoption. So honesty is very important you cannot hold back anything. I am very lucky that God blessed with a man as patient as John, I know I test his patience at least once a day! He is an exeptional man and will be an exceptional father. That is what keeps me going some days, I want to see him look into his child's eyes, I want to have something that we created together.

Brad Paisley was recently on American Idol performing his new song, Then, it will be released on a new CD titled American Saturday Night. The chorus of the song is great I just love it!

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, now
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

So here's to you my darling John, I couldn't ask for a better partner in this rollar coaster we call life. Hugs and kisses!

To ICSI or not to ICSI

Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) is an assisted reproductive technology (ART) used to treat sperm-related infertility problems. ICSI is used to enhance the fertilization phase of in vitro fertilization (IVF) by injecting a single sperm into a mature egg.
Under high-power magnification, a glass tool (holding pipet) is used to hold an egg in place. A microscopic glass tube containing sperm (injection pipet) is used to penetrate and deposit one sperm into the egg. After culturing in the laboratory overnight, eggs are checked for evidence of fertilization. After incubation, the eggs that have been successfully fertilized (zygotes) or have had 3 to 5 days to further develop (zygotes or blastocysts) are selected. Two to four are placed in the uterus using a thin flexible tube (catheter) that is inserted through the cervix. The remaining embryos may be frozen (cryopreserved) for future attempts.

Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) is used to treat severe male infertility, as when little or no sperm are ejaculated in the semen. Immature sperm collected from the testicles are usually unable to move about and are more likely to fertilize an egg through ICSI. It is also helpful when the sperm is poorly shaped, it allows the embroyologist to pick the best sperm to fertilize the egg with.

Some couples choose to try ICSI after repeat in vitro fertilization has been unsuccessful. In the United States, about half of IVF procedures are currently performed using ICSI technology. Myself I find this absolutely crazy, why would couples not want to ICSI, why would you want to take the risk of eggs not fertalizing? I just do not get that!!

ICSI is also used for couples who are planning to have genetic testing of the embryo to check for certain genetic disorders. ICSI uses only one sperm for each egg, so there is no chance the genetic test can be contaminated by other sperm.

There has been some studies that show that using ICSI gives you a slightly higher change of having identical twins, but there is not enough evidence to support that quite yet.

So, we will be doing ICSI, we have to, with John's sperm which is poorly shaped and the potential that my eggs are too hard, that would make natural fertilization more difficult. So whatever the risks, I feel the benefits outweigh the risks.

Fertility news everywhere!

Once upon a time in a fairytail world, a woman's ovaries were her own private affair and baby making was private conversation, not the topic of girl's power lunches, blogs, websites, or TV dramas, such as Sex and the City, Brothers and Sisters, and Private Practice, or big budget movies such as Baby Mama. Desperate women struggling with fertility issues whispered to their doctors about their trials and tribulations and secretely took drugs to stimulate their follicles and crossed their fingers that they would become pregnant. Today, eggs,donor sperm, IVF, IUI, and fertility drugs are the topic of open conversation, and everyone is eager to hear about everyone elses's problems. Its the "Ill tell you what's what with me, if you tell me what's wrong with you". Even politicians are in the fertility limelight. Sarah Palin's baby, Trig, was born when she was 44. And the newly appointed New York senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, cast a vote in Congress the day before giving birth to son Henry at age 41 last May. So baby making is the new hot topic, babies and Bugaboo strollers are the newest accessory in Hollywood. Throw away that Hermes Birkin bag ladies, and get a baby!

And yet with all the news that is out in the world about infertility, many young women still don't fully understand the facts about age as a risk factor for infertility. Women are starting families much later in life, they are going to school longer, pursuing careers and thinking that they can wait to have children, and their Ob-Gyns don't always tell them that they need to be concerned with their age and how long they really have to concieve and carry a healty baby to term. With all the 40 something Hollywood mothers like Marcia Cross and Molly Ringwald (some of whom are presumably using donor eggs or IVF to get pregnant) and cases like Palin and Gillibrand reassure them that time is on their side so its okay to wait.

This week, the American Fertility Association (AFA) is launching "Manicures & Martinis" at the Dashing Diva Nail Salon in Manhattan. This is the first in a series of one-hour conversations about reproductive health that is geared towards women in thier 20's and 30's. Its meant for women who want children, but aren't ready just yet. It will feature a leading fertility expert, who will talk about the reality of the biological clock and other risk factors for infertility. There will also be martinis as well as a non alcohol "fertilitini."

Infertility Awareness Week

This week is all about awareness. I feel that is why I was chosen to have to go through this journey. To help others understand and be aware. I would encourage all women to get to your doctor and talk to them about your ability to have children, even if you aren't ready. A simple blood test can show your ovarian reserve and give you some insight to your fertility.

We live in a society where women are putting off having children either because they are going to school, or taking their time getting married. Gone are the days where women are married by 20 years old and having children when they are 22. The average age that a woman gets married is increasing every year.

Hollywood is also painting an incorrect picture of what its like to have children older. Many actresses have made no secret that they have had their children in their 40's. While this is great, and woman should be able to have their family at any age, but many have endured many fertility treatments, such as IVF and some have even used donor eggs. Some actresses have been very open and honest about their fertility struggles, such as Marcia Cross and Courtney Cox Arquette, but others have decided to stay quiet and women get the wrong idea, thinking I have all the time in the world to have children.

So be proactive and take control of your fertility, you will be glad that you did!