LOOOONG Day

Today has been a long day. At least just minimal cramping this afternoon. I didn't even get home until almost 10PM!

I am kinda tired, I thinking I am heading to bed here soon. I found out today a girl I work with is pregnant with twins. I am happy for her, she has a son, and her and her husband have been trying to get pregnant again for 4 years. But part of me is still jealous!

Is that little twinge of jealously going to go away? I hope so, I keep thinking the answer will be when I am pregnant, I will all of a sudden be happy again with everything in my life. Unlike know where I cringe every time someone says "guess what!" because its always followed by "I'm pregnant" or someone else is pregnant that I know.

I do not want to feel this way, but I cannot help it. I look at parents in stores and think, what did I do differently that makes me not able to pregnant, and they are able to? I would be just as good of a mom as them. I am constantly comparing myself to others that are moms. Thinking if they can do it I can certainly do it.

I am an opinionated person in most all avenues of life, but especially when it comes to children. I have certain things that I feel should be done when dealing with children, and when I find out a parent did something that I do not agree with I immediately think they are a bad parent, or think I would do it better.
I know there is more then one way to do something, and there are different styles of parenting and I should not judge people for their style of parenting or their parental choices, or should I say lack there of parental choices.

Its just that I know John and I will be such good parents, and we have so much to offer a child. Maybe now I am just more appreciative of children, because it has been a struggle for me. Its almost like I feel I will appreciate my kids more and be a better mom because I had to struggle to have them.

I know its wrong to judge others and what they do is none of my business, but when I see parents making bad choices that can harm their children it breaks my heart. Those kids don't know any better they are babies, and they deserve to be loved and cared for.

I guess all this will end when I have my own children and I can parent them how I see fit. Then maybe everyone will think I am crazy! who knows!