Infertility Myth #7

THE EQUALITY MYTH
“My husband is hurting as badly as I am, but he just doesn’t show it.”

For the first year that we were trying after the miscarriage- I think John was really casual about the entire sitation he just kept saying it would happen and to calm down. I was the crazy nutcase who was obsessed with getting pregnant, I really have to admit that for the first year I feel like John and I were on two different pages, he wanted freedom and I wanted a baby. I now can honestly say we are on the same page. When the one year mark had hit and we were not pregnant, I think something clicked with him, maybe it was his age or maybe it was just his biological clock ticking louder, maybe it was all friends having babies, but all of a sudden he was much more open to hearing what I had to say about getting pregnant. Espcially the past few months the infertility is hitting him really hard. As much as I hate to see him upset and hurting, it makes me feel better knowing that I am not on this rollar coaster alone. Once we decided together that we would do whatever it took to have a baby things started to get better, yes we are still upset when things don't go our way, but knowing that we can push forward and eventually we will win this battle with infertility helps me sleep a little better.

Now there is some scientific evidence to suggest that husbands and wives do not necessarily face infertility with the same degree of anxiousness and pain. In one study, 50 percent of the women surveyed said that their infertility was the greatest burden they ever had to bear. Only ten percent of the men responded in the same way. Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney has suggested that, while infertility may be deeply frustrating and hurtful for men, infertility can be a “vicious torment” for a woman. Of course, no two couples will experience infertility in the same way. Countless husbands and wives feel a deep sense of loss and emptiness because of infertility.

The most important thing is to talk to your partner, sometimes you have to yell, scream and cry. Going through all the emotions is part of getting through this process. Just knowing you have eachother will get you through this tough time, and in time you will endure, as a couple!