Its been a bad 2 days

I went back to the RE today, as my period has been super heavy the past two days, to the point where it is not normal. They did blood work and I am not pregnant, the doctor said she is not convinced that I was not pregnant, and maybe I just had a really early miscarriage. She is fine with doing the lap to check from endo, which I am happy about. I really feel I have endo and that is causing issues.

I have felt horrible the past few days, not only physically, but mentally. I feel like this will never end, I know that is not true and this journey will not last forever. But I just feel so bad for John, I can take this, but I know he is hurting so much. I can barely type this without having tears come to my eyes. I feel like I cannot give him what he wants, and he should just be with someone else that can. I hate feeling like that, but I want him to be happy. I would give my life to give him his child, because I want him to be a dad. He doesn't deserve this pain, he has done nothing wrong.

This is so hard, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I know it cannot last forever and it will all be worth it in the end.